


Flowers are blooming

by Lamememer



Category: Undertale
Genre: ASL, Angst, Anxiety, Comfort, Cuddles, Death, Depression, Emotional Abuse mention, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Frisk is Selectively Mute, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, Mental Illness, Multi, Nightmares, Other, Plot Driven, Romance, Sans is salty, Self Harm, Smut, Toriel is best mom, Video Game, Yikes, a salty sass bucket, again im sorry, chara uses he/him pronouns, frisk uses they/them, heart wrenching, hoo boy author is a slut for comfort, idk - Freeform, im a fluff ho, im sorry, previous relationships, smut?, song titles, undertale - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-06-09 08:31:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6898636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lamememer/pseuds/Lamememer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"They say after death your soul erodes and is reincarnated as glorious flowers secluded in the forests and fields..." </p><p>But what if a SOUL died unjustly, what if, it was killed instead, would the saying still hold true? </p><p>You (the reader) has had life screw you over more times than what is fair. Always alone, no friends, but now both your parents are dead, gone, killed in a car crash. </p><p>You continue through the daily motions, feeling only numbness. Until you meet some monsters who heal the mental and physical scars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's raining somewhere else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, I got very bored of another fanfic, it didn't have a plot lined out, and overall very bad. I'm full of ideas so lets give this one a go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also this chapter involves a violent dream with blood, so uh, skip the large italisized portion. Also like fuck my setup fucked up the dream starts at "you were in the back of a car" but idk man the shit isn't working for me rn

_It’s cold outside._

You sit on a cold stone bench in front of a field. Your thin jacket is pulled tight against you, but does little in the freezing rain. It was late fall, leaves were clinging onto life, every flower long gone. The sky was a dark mass of clouds coating the sky. _Perfect day for a funeral…_

You held a golden lily in your gloved hands, the stem and leaves slightly crushed. The petals were a pretty gold yellow, fading out into a gentle fire orange at the tips. It reminded you of fire.

“_____, hey, they’re gonna put the coffin in, come on.” You felt a hand rest on your shoulder as your brother Daniel’s voice swam through your ears. You looked up at him, he was wearing a nice dark suit, with his shirt slightly untucked. You could see dry tears on his face as he gave you a comforting smile. You didn’t return it. You got up from your lonely bench, and followed him to the small crowd huddled around two deep holes.

Wet grass licked at your ankles as you walked through the field of headstones. Some were weathered, the names unreadable. Others were shiny, with flowers wrapped in cellophane wilting in front of them. You felt hot tears well up in your eyes as you approached the graves. Tears silently fell down your cheeks and collected at the base of your chin before falling off. Your brother noticed, and gave you a tight one arm hug. Your lip trembled but you refused to break down. You had been so good about keeping feelings in so as not to get hurt, now wasn’t the time the let it go. You needed to be strong.

People were already lowering the dark coffins into the ground when you and your brother arrived. You watched the plain boxes hit the bottoms of the muddy holes. Some family members came and gave you and Danny, hugs, comforting advice about dealing with grief, and other useless things. Before the holes were filled, you tossed your flower into one grave, as your brother produced a violet lily from his suit pocket and tossed it into the other. Then, one by one, each person who attended took a handful of soil for each grave and tossed it in. You and your brother were the last ones to add soil over the dead. Afterwards, the rest of the holes were filled by the people who work at the cemetery.

By the time the holes were filled to the brim, everyone else except your brother had left. The rain was coming down harder, beating constantly against you. Your cold clothes were plastered to your body, you could feel the chill seep through your skin. Your brother offered you his suit jacket, but you declined. You walked together to his car. You were staying overnight at his apartment as you had no car and your college was over two hours away.

There were very few other people around, most others had left or were already leaving. There were a few monsters near simple stone slabs pushed into the ground. Monsters didn’t leave behind corpses, just dust. Even so, the monsters were scarce in the cemetery.

As you and Danny neared the worn metal gates, you looked back once more, hoping that maybe, MAYBE, there would be someone there. As if hoping enough would bring back your parents.

___You were in the back of a car. Your body felt numb, and it was difficult to move, as if you had been submersed in a thick fluid. Your breathing was slow, but everything was slow. The car seemed to just barely crawl by, you weren’t sure if it was moving at all. The windows were dark, they looked like they had been doused in motor oil, the way the darkness moved and shifted. You sat there, in the car, for a while. You,... Weren’t sure how long you had been there. Maybe a minute, maybe and hour. All you knew was for the past few moments, a soft ringing could be heard. You weren’t sure what direction it came from, but you did realize that it was getting louder.___

_Minutes passed with the ringing increasing in volume. The frequency was also changing, as you could hear the multiple tones. Suddenly the shrill noise became unbearable, the windows went from milky black to blinding white, and the vehicle accelerated all too soon. You shrieked, but it was drowned out by the now violent screaming. Just as quickly as it started, it all stopped. Everything slowed again, but this time you were no longer in the car, but out of it. The windows were smeared in thick dark blood, the windshield was shattered, and you could see mangled bodies through it. The front bumper was pulverized, and the tires had left thick burns of rubber._

_Suddenly you saw movement from inside the car, a woman, covered in so much blood to the point her features were hidden, climbed out of the car. Her sobs were like no other. Her husband was inside, his head had been torn off. All you did was watch. You continued to watch a man come out of the truck that crashed into the couples. His was not nearly as damaged. He didn’t look remorseful, in fact he looked angry. He grabbed a large wrench out of his truck, and began to beat in the poor woman’s skull. You tried to stop the man, but your arms and legs felt tied. Your breath quickened as you heard the woman pleading for mercy. You knew her voice. Mom’s voice._

_When you realized who the couple was, the invisible binds on your limbs released, but it was too late. Mom and dad were very, very dead. You broke down on the sidewalk, fresh hot tears streamed down your face and pooled near your feet as you stumbled down into a crouched position. You rocked your body back and forth, trying to distract yourself from the horrendous sight in front of you._

_You heard footsteps approach you, and you looked up to see the man lift the wrench high above his head, as he brought it down _\\\__

“_____!! Fuck ____ wake up!!” You gasped and bolted up, tears still streaming down your face. “Danny? W-what are you doing?” Your brother was standing next to you, his hand on your arm. “You were screaming sis, and crying. Something, about mom and dad.” “Oh. Yeah. It was just a nightmare.” “Just a nightmare??” You nodded. You told him not worry and that you would be fine. He reluctantly went back to his own room, and you fell back against the bed. You checked your phone. 2:37 am. Fuck. You didn’t try to sleep. You were already well awake, and another nightmare didn’t seem fun to you. Instead you stared up at the ceiling, following the cracks in the paint. You pulled the blankets closer to you.

_It’s cold inside_

 


	2. There's other people you selfish asshole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So! Little bit of a filler chapter, i'm aiming to make chapters at LEAST 1k words, i rushed this one bc i didn't want to start the next big part (meeting sans and paps ooohhooohooo ;) ) But so! Title ideas! I couldn't find a good undertale song for the title, so i used a lyric from Bo burnham's song "art is dead" But a lot of the undertale song names are so good for inspiration for story arcs so i plan on using them as titles. Otherwise if i can't find a good one i'll probably use bo burnham or other songs/lyrics. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also the songs that the reader is listening to are (in order)  
> Bo burnham, Ironic  
> Bo burnham, Rant  
> Bo burnham, Repeat stuff AND  
> Bo burnham, From god's perspective.  
> 10/10 would recomend ;;)

_You’re cold inside_

You woke up to light peeking in from the window to the left of your bed. The blinds hadn’t been fully shut and sunlight was seeping through. Your eyes hurt, and your throat burned a little. It was that “just slept” burning however, and a glass of water would help. You peeled the blankets off of your body, and stretched the muscles in your back and arms. Some bones cracked with a satisfying pop. 

You made your way to the little kitchen in your brother’s apartment. He wasn’t awake yet, the clock on the small oven read 10:14, but he was probably still asleep because you made him wake up…. 

You perused the small variety of food he had, and settled on a plain bagel and some water. You grabbed a glass from the cupboard over the sink and filled it with tap water. You took your meager breakfast, or, brunch?? To the little dining table. You took a small bite of your bagel, it was slightly stale, but only slightly. You sipped your water, it tasted kinda metallic, like aquafina water. 

You were about halfway through your bagel when your brother trudged in. He looked terrible. He had dark circles under his eyes, his hair and pjs looked like absolute shit, but you probably did too. Growing up with him you knew he wasn’t a morning person but, he looked particularly bad. You couldn’t blame him though, after what you both had just gone through. 

“Hey uh, what time do you need to get back to your place?” Daniel yawned, and opened the fridge door, searching for a moment, and closing it again. 

“Uhm, it doesn’t really matter, but we shouldn’t wait too terribly long, it’s a 2 hour trip for me, but a 4 hour one for you.” You set down your bagel, and popped in a slice of toast for your brother. 

“It looks like you had a rough night, lemme make you some breakfast danny,” You provided a gentle smile and you nudged him away and into the living room. He nodded slowly and gave you a kind smile. You filled a glass with orange juice and buttered the toast once it had popped out. It was a tiny bit burnt on the edges but no toaster is ever perfect. 

You gave him his food and a napkin as well. Daniel thanked you and let out a tired sigh. 

“I’m going to go get dressed.” “Mkay” he said with a mouth full of toast. 

You padded back to the room daniel let you stay in and rifled through your small suitcase for some real clothes. You pulled out a baggy anime shirt and some deep red jeans. As well as a sports bra, underwear, and socks, you grabbed your toothbrush and hair brush. You took all your supplies into the bathroom in the room next to yours. You locked the door and began to undress. You balled up your dirty pajamas and pulled on your clean clothes. You brushed your teeth and did all that other bathroom stuff before looking at yourself in the mirror. Actually looking. You looked deep, for the things at a glance someone might not notice. Your eyes looked dull, and there were faint dark circles under your eyes despite putting on some concealer. Your smile was gone and your overall appearance was bleak. You sighed, there was nothing you could do but wait for things to get better again. 

Leaving the bathroom you went back to your room to pack your things up just so that you were ready to leave asap. You didn’t bother to fold any of your old clothes, they were dirty and didn’t need to be folded. Once you were done you set your suitcase by the bedroom door. Leaving, you shut out the light and sat down next to your brother on his futon. He had finished his toast and orange juice, so you put it away for him. He looked tired, as if he was sleeping again. You sat back down next to him and pulled up some music and put your headphones in. 

Despite the gloomy atmosphere,you giggled when the song got to funny lyric. Well, they were all funny but this one was a particularly funny line. _And i got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncle’s PULL OUT COUCH_ The song reached it end, and you rewound and repeated it, you could use some happiness. You listened to several other songs by the same singer, each one laughing and singing softly along. 

_All the scenes at the sunday masses, filled with their massive mass’s asses. Classes, passes, fast ass molasses._

The next song began to play. _I love your hair, I love your name, and i love the way you say it. I love your heart and you’re so smart, cuz you gave away it. I love your sis i love your dad i love your mum, but more than all of that i love the fact that you are dumb, enough, swag, to not realize everything i’ve said has been said before in thousand ways in a thousand songs sung with the same FOUR CHORDS_

And after that… _The books you think i wrote are way too thick, who needs a thousand metaphors to figure out you, shouldn’t be a dick, and i don’t watch you when you sleep, surprisingly i don’t use my omnipotence, to be a fucking, creep. You’re not going to heaven. Why the fuck would you i’d ever kick it with you. None of you are going to heaven, there’s a trillion aliens cooler than you._

Your humming must have woken your brother because it had sat up some time during your small performance. 

“Bo burnham, huh?” “Heh, yeah. He uses a lot of satire but it's really funny.” Sometimes you wondered if you shouldn’t laugh at satire but, damn it's just too funny. 

“Hey uh, do you wanna get going soon? Like i’m not saying i want you gone just, don’t you have an exam in a couple days?” 

Daniel was right, you had a big art test ok tuesday, and today was sunday. “Yeah, i guess i should get out of your hair, heh, i’ll go get my stuff and we can go.” You grabbed your suitcase from the other room as well as your hoodie. You slipped it on, it was late fall now and there was a chill in the air. When you got back to your brother he was standing all ready in a jacket and holding his keys. Sometimes while you had been dresing he threw on some jeans and a clean shirt. You thanked him for letting you stay overnight and followed him out of the apartment building and into his car. 

You put your stuff in the trunk and sat shotgun. Daniel started up the car and pulled out of the small parking lot. You watched the apartment building slip out of view and into the fog as you two drove down the street and eventually onto the highway. It was about noon now and traffic was’t too bad. Some people were out getting lunch but thankfully it wasn’t rush hour. You put your music from previously back on and rested your head against the cool car window. The soft bumping and constant driving of the highway lulled you into a gentle sleep. 

_The window is cold_


	3. Pathetic House (pathetic apartment)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet sans. It's brief sorry but i promise there will be more sans in the next chapter ;;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyheyehy sorry for it being such a long time since the last update :00 I'd ideally like to come out with new chapters every 3-4 days if not sooner, i just fell behing because i've not only been in a creative slump but i've been skyping a lot with my gf. Kinda funny i'm writing (since sans is a dood) a dood and a chick (she/her pronouns if you use he/him thats chill) But yeah im writing dick on pussy fanfic and i'm mega gay hehe. (Idk if i'm ever writing smut for this)

_It is cold ___

At some point during the trip back to your apartment you had dozed off. You eventually were awakened by your brother Daniel gently shaking you awake. He had a sad smile on his face, and you knew why. Not only did you two have to say goodbye, but being apart finalized the realization that your parents are gone. 

____

You smiled sadly and sighed. You and your brother got out of his car and you went to the trunk to grab your stuff. He had parked in a little alley right near your apartment building. With your suitcase in tow, you and daniel walked to the building’s entrance. 

____

“So. This. You’re home.” Daniel’s voice cracked, despite having gone through puberty his voice would still crack when he was upset. 

____

“I think this isn’t my home. This isn’t where my family is.” You grimaced, you felt torn up and lost. 

____

“You can always call me if you need something. Please, just, if anything comes up, don’t hesitate. I’m always here.” You brother gave you a firm side hug, his shoulders were tense, but his embrace was warm. 

____

“Uhm so, uh,” You weren’t sure what to say. You didn’t want to just say bye as if you wanted him gone, but you honestly did just want to go back to apartment and wallow. 

____

Daniel let out a soft chuckle. “Goodbyes are hard. Huh?” 

____

You nodded, trying to ignore the lump in your throat. 

____

“Bye sis.” He let go of you and headed towards the doors. 

____

“Text me when you get home, drive safe!” You blurted out as he stepped out the door. He gave you a knowing smile and got back into his car and drove away. You watched it disappear down the road, and suddenly the overwhelming quiet of the lobby was pressing on you. You took a shaky breath, you couldn’t break down where someone could see. You rushed to the elevator at the back of the lobby and pressed the up button. 

____

The elevator arrived and you stepped inside. Thankfully the lobby was empty and no one got on with you. You pressed the button for your floor, 8, and pressed the close door button. The doors began closing and you relaxed against the wall of the elevator. Suddenly the doors began creeping open again, and you frantically pressed the close doors button. You got paranoid riding elevators with other people, you didn’t know why you just did. 

____

A bony hand slipped between the elevator doors to keep it open, and you gave up trying to close it. You stepped back to let a short skeleton carrying a large box in. He was a slight bit taller than you, but not by much. You were 5’4”. He wore a thick blue hoodie, it was late fall and getting chilly, but his hoodie had fuzz peeking out of the hood. The doors closed finally and he didn’t press a button. You weren’t going to initiate conversation, and assumed he was getting off on your floor. 

____

“So, it’s getting kinda cold now huh?” You looked to your right, the skeleton man was glancing at you with a shit eating grin. He was, obviously, a monster. They had been on the surface for about 2 years now, and they were very common in your city. Skeletons were new but you weren’t one to discriminate. 

____

You just nodded, the lump in your throat kept you from speaking. You were always very introverted, and had a hard time talking with others. He noticed, and responded with “You should wear a thicker jacket then, wouldn’t want ‘cha to get chilled to the bone.” 

____

He obviously thought his joke was very funny, as he chuckled. He had a deep kind of, sad? Voice, and it carried through into his laugh. The elevator finally made it to your floor and dinged. 

____

“I’m sans by the way, sans the skeleton.” He held out a bony hand to you but you just walked away. Pulling your keyring from your pocket you frantically searched for your apartment key and shoved it into the keyhole in your door. You didn’t know which apartment Sans went to but you didn’t care. You three open your door and stepped inside. You breathed in the familiar smell of your apartment and let out a sigh you didn’t know you were holding. You kicked off your shoes and left them by a little doormat in the small hallway. 

____

You could hear your suitcase wheels making little clicks as it rolled over the tile of the hallway that lead into the kitchen and living room. It bumped up as it made the transition from tile to carpet when you walked into the living room and into your bedroom. Instead of unpacking the small luggage you opted to just put on some sweats and unpack later. Along with sweatpants and a loose t shirt, you slipped on some fluffy socks. You tossed your dirty clothes into a laundry basket. 

____

Padding into the kitchen, you grabbed a mug and filled it with water. You put it in the microwave and set it for two minutes. You grabbed a tea bag, green tea, but it was pink because it also had bits of dried pomegranate. You ripped open the little paper packaging and threw it away. Leaning against the counter, you also pulled out a spoon to stir your tea with. If you waited to stir the tea it would have a little pool of deep pink settled at the bottom, kind of like the lakes in oceans. 

____

The microwave dinged disrupting your train of thought, and you pulled the hot mug out of the microwave. You dropped in the bag of tea and set the spoon over it in the cup to keep it from floating up. 

____

Walking into the living room, you sat down carefully onto your soft couch and set your tea on the side table to cool down a little. You grabbed the blanket that hug over the back of the couch and wrapped it around your legs. You grabbed the tv remote and decided to watch some House MD. It was an episode you had already watched, well you had watched all of them but still. 

____

You dipped your pinky in your mug to test the heat, pulling it out fast. Still too hot. You grabbed your phone and checked social media. There was nothing interesting really, friends doing stuff without you, people getting into and out of relationships, and other little nonsense. Thinking of relationships made you, sad. You were only 22 and hadn’t been in many but the few you were in were all horrible. The other person always ended up doing something horrible. You most recent one hurt you emotionally, making you feel like everything was your fault. Manipulating you into doing things you didn’t want to do, and yelling at you when you messed up. He was also very jealous, and got angry when you spent time with anyone else. The familiar lump in your throat returned, and you rubbed at your face, drying non existent tears. 

____

Your tea had finally cooled down and you swirled the pink pool at the bottom with the rest of the water. You sipped it and savored the taste. Almost citrusy but not quite. A new episode of House MD was playing, this was the one with the cop who grew drugs, the episode where Foreman got sick as fuck. This was one of your favorite episodes, and despite nearly crying earlier you smiled and focused on the show. You much prefered gore and bloody movies and shows over things like disney. 

____

About halfway through the show your eyelids began to droop, and eventually you nodded off to sleep. 

____

_You are cold ___

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also i recommend watching house md it's great. The episode mentioned is euphoria part 1. I also highly recommend watching the episode "a pox on our house" and "last resort" very good episodes.


	4. Unnecessary Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yo you've got sum beef with papyrus whoops.

_It’s quiet inside. ___

You awoke to shrill peppy music of the alarm on your phone. Prying your eyes open you sat up, your back was stiff from sleeping on your couch. You silenced your alarm and started making some coffee. You put the pot under and set everything up now all you had to do was wait. Instead of doing waiting you went to get dressed and get ready for college. It was 7:46, and classes didn’t start until 8:30. Pulling out the drawer on your dresser, you grabbed some jeans and a band shirt. You took your clothes to the bathroom and did everything except brush your teeth. You would do that after you had breakfast because if you did it before it just defeats the purpose. 

____

Now dressed you grabbed your notes and papers scattered around your apartment and shoved them into your backpack. You set it by the door so it would be there for when you left. _Good job _____ being proactive as fuck. _You grinned and said to yourself. Perusing your small kitchen, you settled on eating a little orange. Your peel and sliced it and put the slices in a bowl so you wouldn’t get sticky juice everywhere. Your coffee was down and had cooled down a bit in the pot so you poured it into a mug and took your little breakfast back to your couch. You set the coffee down on the side table and bit into a slice of orange. The sweet yet sour juice exploded in your mouth, and you hummed. You hoped today could be a slow day, with no bumps or bruises, unfortunately that was unlikely to happen. Someone almost always found a way to be a dickhole at college. You sighed. You had just started your last year of 4 years. You could obviously take more but you felt like you had enough for now. You had never taken any breaks, despite your…. _parent’s _.... Advice, you can went straight to college right after high school ended, instead of taking a year’s break. Nowadays you wished you had taken it, you would have had more time to spend with your family. It’s too late for that now….____

 _ _ _ _Your phone dinged. _8:10 _You had to leave. You still had a little coffee left but you just dumped it down the sink. You grabbed your phone and put in your earbuds. Slipping on some sneakers you pulled up a random playlist and hit play. You left your apartment, door locked of course, and spur of the moment chose to rush down 8 floors worth of stairs instead of take the elevator. Why? You saw someone walking towards the elevator from down the hall. Someone you saw yesterday, in the fucking elevator.______

 _ _ _ _ _ __Sans _He just, put you off. His constant smirk was just a little to false and it creeped you out. You didn’t have anything against monsters, in fact they could be quite nice, but you knew when something was off. And the minute he had stepped onto the elevator yesterday you knew something was off.________

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _You bounded down the stairs, and through the lobby out onto a little alley next to your apartment building. You unchained your bike from the bike rack and hopped on. You pedaled down the street towards your college. Surprisingly there weren’t too many cars out, although that was probably because the street you live on had more apartment building and insurance buildings rather than offices, shops, and schools. There were a few people out walking dogs or just on their way to work. About a third of them were monsters, which was nice. It was always nice to see them being integrated into society.________

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

You slowed your pedaling pace as you neared the campus. You drifted over to a bike rack and hopped off. Chaining it with the others, you briskly went to your class. There were many buildings on campus, and yours was hidden in between some others. You still had a few minutes to spare, so you slowed down to take in the fall scenery. Where you lived it never got that cold, it rarely snowed in winter, and most trees kept a fair amount of leaves for much of autumn. This meant some flowers still bloomed. Not all because of timing, but well kept flowers bloomed. The college kept flower beds along the sidewalks, and the ones you were passing by still had some brilliant blooms. There were pretty little clusters of rainbows, with beautiful sheets of color. The petals were soft, and the stems were strong. You kept walking and at the door to your building you stopped to admire the flowers growing there. You felt you face drop when you saw lilies planted. It felt like some happiness had just dropped off of your soul. You choked back a tear, _They’re just flowers idiot _You scolded yourself. Lilies were special to your mom, and that carried over to your dad. You could say they were special to your family. _____, Forget about it. They’re just flowers.___

 _ _ _ _Your classes went by smoothly enough. Your art class was quiet as always, which was welcomed. You always loved the quiet beauty of creativity. Art was an extended hours class, instead of being being about an hour the class ran for 2, and you took it every weekday. This obviously meant you had to pay more money, but thankfully you had scholarships for numerous reasons. After that you had an hour before your next class, astrophysics. When you first signed up, you were worried that taking two completely different classes with the hopes of turning either or both into a job was weird, but you brushed it aside. Lots of people took art classes simply just to take them, and it was the equivalent to therapy for you.____

 _ _ _ _

Your astrophysics class however, was stressful, to put it lightly. Most of your peers were older, you were naturally smart, and they often felt that it was unfair, and were rude and demeaning daily. Mostly the men. They didn’t like the idea of a smart, young female being equal to them. Not only that, but because you were so sheltered, they knew you were easy prey. All that aside, you only took the class mondays, wednesdays, and fridays. The class wasn’t long, and right after it ended you could go home. You didn’t have any other classes to take, when you were high school you were ahead and were able to take dual credit courses, so you got high school credit and college credits for free. They were only the basic classes but ho boi did they help. It lifted a weight off your shoulders in ways of college payment. You had a job, a lousy one at that. You worked at a small retail clothing store. The pay was poor, and you didn’t do much. It was also only part time, after classes you had an hour’s time before work, and then you worked until 5 or 6. 

Thankfully you didn’t have to pay rent, the college made accommodations and rent of your small apartment was covered by your tuition. The accommodations were, personal reasons, but you were extremely thankful for them. 

You locked your bike to the rack in the alley next to your apartment building. You pushed open the big door and stepped into the lobby. Same old same old. There were some large packages behind the reception desk, phone with apartment call numbers, the sleepy receptionist, to the fake plants sitting in the corners. Stepping into the elevator you sighed in relief. No one else got on with you. 

Stepping into your apartment you breathed in the familiar scent. It smelled like you. The faint smell of tea and coffee, laundry detergent, and the lemon candles you sometimes lit were the most recognizable scents. You kicked off your shoes and yanked off your backpack. You pulled the door closed and plopped down onto the couch. You closed your eyes, and subconsciously began humming. Humming turned into soft singing, which turned into passionate singing. Secretly you loved to sing, you weren’t very good but you always found it fun. You could never do it in front of others however. Your mind immediately went to one of your favorite songs to sing, the singing was fairly easy yet it sounded amazing. 

_Do I look lonely? _You began softly, gradually getting louder as the song went on. _I see the shadows on my face People have told me I don't look the same Maybe I lost weight I'm playing hooky, with the best of the best Put my heart on my chest, so that you can see it too _Your voice dropped low but still within your singing range, your’s was always a bit lower. _I'm walking the long road, watching the sky fall The lace in your dress tingles my neck, how do I live? The death of a bachelor Oh Letting the water fall The death of a bachelor Oh Seems so fitting for Happily ever after How could I ask for more? _This is a point where it got a little crazy, you had to go up higher, so what you did is fake it a little and sing the same note but an octave lower. _A lifetime of laughter At the expense of the death of a bachelor I'm cutting my mind off It feels like my heart is going to burst Alone at a table for two and I just wanna be served And when you think of me am I the best you've ever had? Share one more drink with me, smile even though you're sad I'm walking the long road, watching the sky fall The lace in your dress tingles my neck, how do I live? The death of a bachelor Oh Letting the water fall The death of a bachelor Oh Seems so fitting for Happily ever after How could I ask for more? A lifetime of laughter At the expense of the death of a bachelor The death of a bachelor Oh Letting the water fall The death of a bachelor Oh Seems so fitting for Happily ever after How could I ask for more? A lifetime of laughter At the expense of the death of a bachelor_______

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _You ended, slightly breathless from the high and low notes. Suddenly you heard clapping from near your door.________

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“WOWIE!!! THE WAS THE BEST PERFORMANCE THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS EVER SEEN FROM A TINY HUMAN!!” 

You bolted up from your seated position. Someone was in your apartment, YOUR space, and they were being extremely loud. You looked over at them and locked eyes with a towering lanky skeleton. 

“Who the hell are you! What are you doing in my apartment!” You practically screeched. Your voice was high, and cracked due to the overwhelming anxiety coursing through your veins. 

“OH DID THE GREAT PAPYRUS FRIGHTEN THE TINY HUMAN!? LET ME HELP YOU!!” The tall monster took a step towards you but you stepped back and towards your kitchen. You could grab something, a skillet or a bottle to use as a weapon if he tried to come closer. 

“NO! Stay away from me! Get out or I’m calling the police!” That was a bluff. Your phone was still in your backpack, which was at this point behind the intruder. 

To your surprise the skeleton looked hurt, his eyes, eye sockets?, drooped and he stepped back. “OH! I am, very sorry for causing such alarm. I only wanted to meet our new neighbors. I am very sorry. I’ll just go.” And like that he sulked, skull-ed? Hehe, our of your apartment like a scolded puppy. Your rapid breathing slowed down, and you slid against the cupboards to the ground in exhaustion due to the use of adrenalin. Your door was still open when someone else stormed inside. Someone familiar. 

“Hey wiseguy! The fuck is wrong with you, all my bro wanted was to fucking say hi and he gets sent to tears with your monster-phonic shit!” A familiar stocky skeleton wearing blue converse stormed in, yelling profanities. 

“Look pal i didn’t do shit okay? Your brother invaded my fucking apartment, and you expect me not to get upset? It’s called respecting personal space.” You glowered angrily at Sans. He claimed the skeleton from earlier was his brother. His brother addressed himself as papyrus, funny, fonts. 

You pulled yourself up from the tiled floor to stand level with sans. His eye sockets were dark, and his smile looked deadly. You could see sharp incisors due to how wide his grin was. 

“oh really and do you expect me to trust you? Humans are known to lie after all.” There was a tense static in the room and it made you feel uncomfortable, as if something was exerting their power over you. 

“Look. I don’t know who you or your brother are but all that happened was he invaded my apartment without warning, and I freaked out, anyone would when their personal space is invaded without consent buddy.” Your face hurt from frowning. You were angered by the fact that he couldn't understand. 

He didn’t respond this time. Sans just grimaced at you, which was surprising because as far as you knew bones were solid. After what felt like an hour long glare off, he huffed in defeat. His voice was deep and rough, and was very clear despite being half assed speech. “Look. I really don’t want to leave this on the wrong foot, or metacarpes, so why don’t we just put it past us. I can understand your response. But let’s just start over. Clean slate pal.” He shot you a defeated smile. 

“As long as it doesn’t happen again. It’s fine.” Your frown lessened, but your voice was firm. You were never good at conversations, but when it came to arguments or debates, you rose above the others. 

“I’m not a big fan of promises. But I’ll try.” 

He was still standing there. He didn’t seem to be in any hurry to leave your apartment. 

“Do you need something?” You cocked an eyebrow in both question and mild annoyance. 

“Yeah paps wanted to invite our new neighbor to dinner. We just moved here and he wants to make friends. It would really suck if you said no.” His smirk widened, his offer didn't really seem like a question, but more of a definitive statement. You considered for a moment, you were still coming down from the adrenaline high, and you just wanted to rest. It WAS fucking monday. You also didn’t want to be a TOTAL ass. 

“Yeah fine. But I can’t tonight. How about wednesday?” 

“ ‘S fine with me. Hope you like spaghetti.” And with that he turned on his heel and left your apartment. Right before stepping out of the door frame, he turned back and said 

“I’d be a shame if you pastaway before wednesday, because if you hurt my bro, that’s gonna happen buddy.” Sans flashed his sharp incisors and disappeared. You were left standing in your kitchen, shaky from adrenaline loss and anxiety, and both mentally and physically exhausted. Closing your door, you slipped on sweatpants, yanked your bra off (best feeling bless) and plopped down on your couch to watch some Doctor Who. You set some reminders on your phone, one to remember wednesday’s dinner, and another to re dye your hair. The roots had grown out quite a bit. 

After about 5 hours worth of Doctor Who episodes, you brushed your teeth and retired to your bedroom. 

_You're angry inside_

 _ _____ __

________

____

__

__

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end the italics didn't want to fucking work so ugh its not in italics and theres nothing i can do to fix it fuck me also i hope you liked this 2666 words chapter thats twice as lengthy as it normally is and (in total) took me about 3 hours over tje span of two days ;;))) i need to work out a schedule bc really the writing isn't hard i just put it off


	5. Nyeh Heh Heh!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ffffuuucck 4060 words. Sorry if it's too long? I was really motivated to get a head start after last chapter so I worked every night before going to sleep, cuz thats when i'm most inspired. Tbh I like super long chapter whoops? You have dinner with snas and paprika!! There's like two days worth of time in this chapter. damn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh also I call Sans a salty sass bucket in this chapter so you can all thank my girlfriend for that!

_You’re exhausted inside ___

____

Tuesday was shit. Normally for you mondays were worse because you were being slammed back into reality after a break of less present anxiety. Tuesdays were normally your favorite weekday, you only had one class, and while you also only had one class on thursday, the anticipation of after work friday kept you on a hopeful edge. You weren’t one to believe in deities but today the gods were against you. There was a heavy downpour of rain, which made it difficult and dangerous to bike to school in. Every turn of the wheels you could feel more rain stinging your face like little shards of glass. When you finally made it to class you were 15 minutes late and soaking wet. Now if the unplanned shower had happened after class you would have been grateful, because some idiot squirted paint all over you in attempts to get out every last drop. 

____

When you had gotten back to your apartment, you didn’t have time to relax. You had to finish an astrophysical project that you geniously procrastinated. All in all it took about 5 hours to complete, with a break to go to your job in between. Nothing special happened at work, some nasty teenagers came in and misplaced a lot of stuff, but you couldn’t complain. You were paid to put the clothes and accessories back, and you wanted to be paid after 4 hours of standing around and stocking shelves, you were finally able to leave, and finish you damn project. _UGH_

 _ _And even on the ride back to your apartment you got catcalled by some pathetic losers in front of a bar. _What loner goes to a bar at 5 on a tuesday?? _You grimaced. You had been catcalled before, you never really understood but many people had said you were very pretty. You had deep brown eyes with layers of grey and green on the edges and near the pupil, you hair was full and soft it rode the wind when you biked. Your legs were long, your waist was ever so cinched, and you were overall told you were beautiful. Though despite the kind remarks, sometimes being confident and loving your body was hard. It took many years of hard work to get the comfortability to wear shorts outside now. But it was positive progress, and it filled you with determination.____

 _ _ _ _Finally, at 7 pm, with numerous breaks your project was complete. _Fuck yes, Ah god finally done! _You rejoiced. You had to prepare not only an in detail essay but you had to present and seem smart while presenting, as if you were a teacher. You probably wouldn’t be presenting tomorrow, so you just packed up your notes and papers and slipped them into your backpack, scooting it to the side. Standing up, you could feel your foot tingling a little. After sitting on it for so long you couldn’t blame it for falling asleep. You let out a long slow sigh, you were beyond exhausted, but you still wanted to relax with something other than nothing.______

 _ _ _ _ _ _It was now 8:54 pm. You had decided to go out and see what kind of places were open and explore the lit up night time. You had slipped on a thick jacket when you left, the temperature had plummeted with the sun now gone. You kicked loose chunks of concrete as you buried your hands further into your coat. The city was fairly safe as far as being a woman walking alone at night went. People were almost always around, and there were decent bars and restaurants on almost every corner. You had lived in the city for a while but had never done much. You didn’t have any friends to do anything with, and while things got lonely and quiet, you were content being alone. Everyone got lonely from time to time. There’s a big difference between alone and loneliness.______

 _ _ _ _ _ _

There were lots of couples out spending time at restaurants and pubs. Lots of humans, lots of monsters, and a few intermingled even. Mount Ebott was only a few miles away, and your city handled the overflow very well. Plenty of living spaces were open, which were quickly filled, even now, 2 years after the barrier was broken, as evident by the brothers who moved in on your floor. You didn’t know what they were like yet, but you had agreed to a friendly dinner tomorrow, so you would soon find out. But the fact that two adult brothers living together pulled your heartstrings, you were envious, jealous even, they would always have each other. They lived 2 feet away from each other, while you and your brother lived 2 hours apart. 

You sighed, running your hand through your hair. No matter what you did, your thoughts always ended up circling back to upsetting things eventually. The negative thoughts tugged at your soul, you could feel a heat build behind your eyes. _Fuck no, not in public. Just go somewhere, get away from the thoughts _You chewed on your lip, the pain pulled your thoughts away from the past and back to the present. You kept walking aimlessly around your city, that is, until you tasted warm blood seep into your mouth. You had chewed on your lip so much you had drawn blood. “Dammit”, muttering under your breath. You scolded yourself, you never knew when to stop. Your mind was still on edge, but you didn’t want to feed your mind at the expense of your body. Suddenly an idea flashed through your head. If your mind wouldn’t let you forget about family, you’d make it so you’d never have to worry about forgetting. And it would create pain stimuli to keep your mind tied over until afterwards.__

 _ _You shirt was rolled halfway up your back and you were listening to music. It was now 10:23 pm. You lay front side down on a slanted cot, having needles repeatedly speared into your flesh.__

 _ _

You had ended up walking into a tattoo shop, you had gotten tattoos previously when you were feeling very low. Some roses on your right shoulder, simply because they were pretty. A simple serotonin molecule on your neck, and barbed wire roses on your left ankles were gotten during times in your life of high anxiety and stress. On your left shoulder blade you had “We praise the stars, let us praise our own inner beauty, we are all the same dust.” It was a reminder to love and appreciate yourself. And finally you had a simple geometric solar system on the inside of your left ring finger, purely because space is cool as fuck. But now you were getting a deep blue, almost black, lily and a fiery golden lily intertwined on the small of your back. Your families special flower, the flowers on your parent’s coffins, and the bright fire and deep dark represent life and death. Getting the writing about star dust had helped you, so you figured this was also worth a shot. 

You clenched your teeth as the tattoo artist used a shader needle to color in the petals lying right over your spine. Being on your lower back there wasn’t a lot of bone close to the skin, but the spine was still there, and you were stubborn about having the tattoo centered. Despite the pain of the needles, you were relaxed. You had relaxed the minute you stepped in. There had been a few other people finishing up tattoo at the time, but right now you were the only one getting a tattoo. The tattoo artist was nice, he introduced himself as Bryce, he was tall, kinda buff but also not THAT buff. He had lots of tattoos, his entire right arm was entirely ink. Despite that he gave off a very friendly air, like a big teddy bear. He had a lovely smile, with the wrinkles from smiling so much showing on his younger face. While getting your tattoo, you two spoke a fair bit. You learned that he had a monster boyfriend, _AWW! Thats sweet! _And that they had just moved in together. He seemed very proud of the fact that despite his family’s disapproval it didn’t put a damper on things in his relationship.__

 _ _It was 11:36 and Bryce was done with your tattoo. He unwrapped some gauze and used some medical tape to dress and protect the tattoo. He said that you could remove it in the morning and wash the area gently, and to wear looser clothes to keep from causing too much friction that will irritate the art. You thanked him, paid, and left a generous tip for working so late into the night. Bidding him a good night, you pushed open the door, knocking the little bell at the top. The chime was swept away by the night air as you began your little trek home. Several restaurants were now closed, there were fewer places casting warm light onto the street. You breathed in the cool october air. It was cold enough to see a little cloud of your breath puff out in front of you.__

 _ _

Shivering picked up your pace as you neared your building. You could just imagine your soft warm bed, ready and waiting for you. Your footsteps echoed as you bounded down the sidewalk, the slapping of your heels ricocheting in your ears. You rushed into the dark lobby. A lamp on the desk was on for just in case-ies. Pressing the up button, you slipped into the elevator and pressed number 8 with a soft click. You sniffed as the tiny room ascended, the cold air had stuffed up your nose a little. Stepping over the little crack where elevator met floor, you promptly headed for your apartment. Fumbling with your keys you pushed open the kinda heavy door and closed it behind you. You leaned against it. You were more tired than you had thought. Kicking off your shoes you went to your bedroom and sunk your feet into the soft carpet. Changing into soft pajamas, you literally flopped into bed and yanked the covers over your tired body. 

“Don’t you have any more in the back?” You were dealing with an ignorant customer at work. She was hassling you about not having her size stocked, and you explained that there no more in the back, it was a clearance item. 

“Ma’am, it’s a clearance item. I’m afraid that we don’t carry that shirt anymore, which is why it’s on clearance.” You forced a patient smile, you knew what it was like to need to have things properly explained, you always took things very literally, so sarcasm wasn’t the easiest for you to understand. 

“Oh, that’s awfully unfortunate. Do you have anything similar?” Damn she was persistent. 

“I think so, I would recommend looking at the women’s casual section.” You gestured to where the women’s section was and put the shirt she had taken back on the rack. She left you alone without a thank you. You sighed audibly. Your job wasn’t super stressful, just humans were annoying. It wasn’t like you hated people it was just that social interactions were very tasking on you. Your head shot up when you heard your manager call for you to help sort and stock some new clothes. You rushed over and began folding things accordingly and sorting them. You continued your similar routine until the end of your shift. 

Your body was sinking into your couch as you procrastinated getting ready for your dinner invite. College was fine, everything went normally, it wasn’t bad today actually. A couple people in your astrophysics had food poisoning from some bad sushi they ate, coincidentally they were the people who went out of their way to be an ass to you. You _thankfully _didn’t have to present, so you were quite happy with how class went. Art was also good, a volunteer came in so the class could do figure drawing and anatomy, so it was very relaxing yet educational.__

 _ _You had been told to come over at 7:30, it was now 6:54. “I SUPPOSE i should go get ready,” You muttered audibly. You weren’t particularly, excited, persay, due to your sour first encounter with Papyrus and Sans. Heaving yourself off your sofa you padded to the bedroom to get dressed. You weren’t sure if you should dress up a little or not, you didn’t have much in the ways of fancy. Most of your closet consisted of baggy shirts, big ass sweaters and hoodies, jeans, basketball shorts, fuzzy socks, and sneakers. _Mmm, I should at least wear something kinda dressy casual. _You picked out a big soft beige sweater and dark jeans. Comfy and flattering. A little disappointed that it covered your tattoos, they were a good conversation point. You ran a brush through your washed out hair. It had been a while since you had last dyed it, _I should dye it soon, red would be fun. Bold. _You smiled at your reflection, you felt nice.______

 _ _ _ _ _ _Checking the time you slipped on some dark sienna combat boots. 7:26. While the tall skeleton had said “neighbor” their room was actually a little farther down the hall. You weren’t sure if any of the other apartment owners were going. Most everybody in the building never socialized, and you were sure you weren’t the first person they tried to invite. You stepped out and locked your door. You headed towards the end of the hallway and stopped in front of a door with a “bone sweet bone” sign hanging from it. You knocked a couple times and waited. Instead of opening the door, you were met with a husky voices “Who’s there?”______

 _ _ _ _ _ _

“Uh, it’s uh, ____, you invited me to dinner? I think it was tonight, i-if it wasn’t i can leave.” 

“No dude you gotta keep the ball rolling. I said who’s there.” 

“What? What are you talking about I just told you?” 

“Knock knock.” 

“What?” 

“What do you say after i say knock knock?” 

“Who’s there? What does this have to do wit- oh. OH.” 

“See ya get it now.” 

“Yea i get it now uhm. Dewey!” 

“Dewey who?” 

“Dewey have to keep knocking? Won’t you let me in pretty please??” 

*pff* “Fair ‘nuff kid.” You heard the sounds of locks being unlocked and the little chain hitting the door. You were greeted by Sans widely grinning. Despite your pleasant conversation his smile seemed forced, and the air was filled with static. 

“Dinner’ll be finished up in a few minutes.” Nodding you stepped in and took in their apartment. It was a similar shape to yours, but rooms were on the other side. They had a larger kitchen and dining area, but everything was less closed off, giving the illusion of more space. You jumped as Sans closed the door, somewhat loudly. 

“Should I take off my shoes?” You weren’t sure if they were okay with you possibly tracking in residual dirt into their apartment. 

“Yeah, papyrus likes to keep a clean home. You can just leave em by the door.” You slipped off your boots and tossed them next to a pair of snow boots and converse. They landed with a soft clunk. When you turned around sans had sat down on a worn red sofa. Papyrus was obviously in the kitchen, you could hear humming and soft _Nyeh!-s _coming from the kitchen. There was a little half wall separating the dining area from the living room. You weren’t sure where you should go, so you just leaned against the wall and flicked on your phone. You mentally prepared yourself for a night of conversation. Your head was spinning to say the least, and your ankles felt like they would give out. Taking long slow breaths you focused on not focusing on the future but just what is happening now. You mentally counted off 3 different things for each sense that could be observed now. It was a way to help ground yourself. _I can see, my phone, my shoes, the door. I can smell the food, the smell of someone else’s house, a lemon candle. I can hear the water running in the sink, papyrus humming, the blood thumping in my ears. I can feel the wall, my sweater, my phone. I can taste, uh, nothing right now. I’ll get back to that… _The thumping of your heart had become less present, and you let out a held breath, as if releasing the anxiety. Your train of thought was suddenly cut short.____

 _ _ _ _“SANS! HUMAN! THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS FINISHED PERFECTING THE MOST MAGNIFICENT DINNER!!” Papyrus voice reverberated through your head. _Does he scream in his thoughts?? _You went to the dining table and sat down on the chair closest to the corner. You liked to stay closed off, that way you didn’t have to guard your back. It made you feel safer. Sans sat down on the other side, and rested his skull in his palm. Papyrus was the last to sit down, he was bearing three plates of spaghetti, complete with sauce and a little bit of basil on top. Papyrus took off a pink “Kiss the Cook” apron and draped it over the back of his chair. Sans and Papyrus began eating, while you just kinda picked at it. You took a tentative bite. There wasn’t anything wrong with it. Maybe a little overcooked and underseasoned, but it could have been worse.______

 _ _ _ _ _ _About thirty minutes into eating silently Papyrus spoke up. You had eaten about half of your spaghetti, while Papyrus and Sans were almost done.______

 _ _ _ _ _ _

“SO HUMAN! WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO!” 

you cleared your throat and wrapped your arms around yourself. “Well, what do you mean by that? I do lots of different things.” 

“TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY IF THAT IS OKAY DEAR HUMAN!” 

“Um well, I’m in my last year of college. I also have a part time job for a few hours afterwards. It’s just a simple retail job. The pay is pretty decent so.” 

“OH THAT SOUNDS LIKE SO MUCH FUN! WHAT CLASSES DO YOU TAKE HUMAN!” 

“I take art and astrophysics.” You looked over at Sans. He had made a small held back cough, as if he choked a little on something. 

“That's uh, a pretty, high level class.” Sans had spoken up finally. His statement was more fact than a question. 

“Yes. It is.” You replied curtly. You had a bad feeling that he was trying to make a fool out of you. 

“Like don’t you need pristine grades to pass?” 

“Of course. I wouldn’t expect any less.” You pushed your plate to the side. You were done with it. You shifted your body weight to fully face sans. “Do you think I’m ignorant?” His eyes narrowed, the pinpricks of light inside fading. 

“Tibia ‘nest, a little.” You pursed your lips. He thought you were stupid. How much of a little salty sass bucket did he need to be? 

There was a thick tension in the air until Papyrus intervened. 

“SO HUMAN FRIEND! WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS!!” 

You figured you should list off things that most people talked about when first meeting. “Well, I like painting. Watercolors are very enjoyable and relaxing. My favorite color is probably blue. More specifically turquoise, or teal. I love cool colors. I like music, both listening and making. I like scary movies, with lots of conflict and tension. I also really like anime. I like big sweaters and fluffy socks. My favorite things to do are draw, sleep, and play piano. I haven’t taken out my keyboard in a while though, I really should.” 

“WOW HUMAN! THAT SOUNDS SO COOL!! COINCIDENTALLY SANS LOVES TO SLEEP! HE HAS THE WORST CASE OF LAZINESS I HAVE EVER SEEN!!” You giggled. It seemed that papyrus and sans were almost polar opposites. 

“SO HUMAN!! DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY!! YOU HAVE MET SANS, I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR FAMILY!!” 

You felt a lump in your throat. You had hoped conversation wouldn’t get to this. You hadn’t told acquaintances about the death of your parents, you weren’t about to tell two complete strangers. 

“I have a brother. His name is daniel, he lives a few hours away though.” You flashed Papyrus a warm smile, praying that he wouldn’t ask about your parents. 

“OOH YOU TOO HAVE A BROTHER!! MAGNIFICENT!! BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR PARENTS? DON’T HUMANS HAVE PARENTAL FIGURES??” _Fuck. _You tried and only half succeeded in half swallowing the lump in your throat. You were debating whether or not to tell them, on one hand it would be nice to get it off your chest, on the other they were strangers.__

 _ _You took a deep breath. “I think I’d like to change the subject papyrus.”__

 _ _

“WHY? DO YOU NOT TALK TO YOUR PARENTS??” 

“Please.” You clamped your eyes shut. You didn’t want the waterworks to start now. 

“Paps, I think you should let it go,” you heard sans whisper calmingly to Papyrus. Despite Sans being a brat before you mentally thanked him for interfering. 

“OH, okay, WELL! IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE IS DONE WITH DINNER! WE SHOULD WATCH A MOVIE!!!” Before you could think papyrus had gripped your wrist and pulled you over to their sofa. You cried out, his steel strong grip would probably leave a mark. He sat you down and went to yank sans over. You refused to relax, you kept your spine rigid against the back of the couch. Papyrus sat on the end and put Sans in between you two. 

“SO HUMAN!! WHAT MOVIE WOULD YOU LIKE TO WATCH!!” Papyrus had turned on the television and pulled up netflix. You contemplated your decisions. Netflix didn’t have any of your favorite movies, and if you were going to stay, you might as well enjoy what you’re watching. 

“If you wouldn’t mind, I have the dvds. I can go get them.” Papyrus gave you an enthusiastic nod, so you stood up and stretched your back. You raised your arms above your head and stretched, it made your sweater ride up a little bit so you fixed it as you rushed out and back to your apartment. You quickly came back with a fancy dvd box as thick as a book. 

“It’s the Lord of the Ring’s extended version. One of my favorite movie series.” You smiled. You hoped they would enjoy, and maybe sans would think less of you based on your choice. The movies involved heroes and foes, with lots of mundane aspects and magic aspects. Monsters used magic, right? 

You popped in the disc and plopped back down onto the sofa, relaxing a little more this time. You pulled your knees up to your chest and held onto them. 

“I couldn’t help but notice when you stood up, you have a tattoo on your back.” Sans was looking at you now. His grin seemed a little more genuine than when you first met. 

“Yeah, I have two lilies on my back. I also have roses on my shoulder, a reminder on my shoulder blade, and barbed wire roses on my ankle. Oh! And I also have this little solar system on my finger.” You pointed to where your covered tattoos were, and showed sans your solar system tattoo. “Out of this world kid.” _Did, did he just make a pun? _You were pretty sure it was, but you didn’t want to be rude and laugh at him, so you just turned your attention to the movie. Bilbo had just disappeared in front of his family and friends. You grimaced when you remembered that Frodo’s parents had also died. Well, what a coincidence.__

 _ __You’re uncertain inside _____

__

__

____

____

__

__

__

__

__

__

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so if the reader description is like, not you, don't think i'm trying to force a description just having the details make it easier to make comparisions, metaphors, shit like that. If that makes sense idkkkkk.


	6. Premonition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey so reader's astrophysics presentation was pulled out of my ass and all the info was mostly from a scishow space video just look up scishow space whiteholes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so this weekend I probably won't be able to update due to visiting (against my will) my super conservative family in gun country. And like, I would write at night, but i'd also rather watch the new episode of love live sunshine which i'm gonna miss bc of being at a house with no cell service or wifi soooo. Ech. So I'm going to push myself to get a chapter out on friday. So expect a 2000-3000 word chapter for the next one, because I write about 1000 words in one sitting, which I do once a day because i'm not a morning person. Blech.

_You’re sleepy inside_

Your eyes had begun to droop about halfway ISH through the movie. Because the movies were so long and you had the extended edition, in total each movie lasts about 4 ish hours. They were perfect to binge on your computer while procrastinating. But you didn’t want to make a bad impression on the skeleton brothers by falling asleep on their couch. Your mind wandered, and you resolved to introduce them to harry potter, if they haven’t heard of it before. You eyelids kept slipping down, your head tilting down as well. You peered over at Sans and Papyrus. Papyrus was watching with baited breath, the fellowship had just gotten into the mines of moria. Sans’ eye sockets were drooped, the hollows inside dull and without light. His breathing, _How does her even breath anyway? He’s a skeleton,_ Well, his breathing was steady, his ribcage rose and fell slightly, similar to that of someone sleeping. You squinted over to a clock on the wall. Papyrus had turned off the lights insisting it would make watching the movie seem more enjoyable, like in a movie theater. 11:42. _Shit_ There was still about another hour’s worth of film. You still had college tomorrow, and work. You weren’t sure if Sans would notice if you just up and left, but papyrus would. Something you learned over dinner was that he was very, childlike. He liked attention, he liked his friends. He was naive to say the least, and you honestly didn’t want to hurt his feelings by leaving. So you decided that if sans would sleep, then you could take a nap, albeit a short one. You smooshed yourself into the couch and let your eyes rest. 

You weren’t sure how long you had slept, but you were awakened by loud sobbing. Sams had been awakened too, when you looked over you saw he was rigid with fear, his left eye was pulsing blue. You realized it was Papyrus who did the wailing. He had a death grip on a throw pillow, and orange tears were escaping his eye sockets. 

“Papyrus! What happened?!” You had to raise your voice significantly to be heard over his sobs. You reached over Sans to pat papyruses arm in a sort of comforting way. Sans’ eye stopped glowing, but he still looked worried sick. He has little beads of nervous sweat forming on his skull. 

“GANDALF THE GREAT WIZARD DIED!! THAT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!” You were confused for a moment, then you looked at the tv screen. It was right after The fellowship escaped the mines of moria, minus a member. 

“oh shit..” You muttered, you didn’t even think to warn them. Sans and Papyrus probably hated you for choosing this. 

“H-hey, papyrus, it’s okay. Gandalf isn’t _really_ dead.” You attempted to console papyrus over his plight. He must have liked gandalf to be so upset about him falling into the fires. 

“W-what do you mean?” Papyrus hiccupped a sob, he had lowered his voice to barely a whisper. This was a bad sign. 

“Gandalf comes back. He comes back a better and more powerful wizard!” You recalled how Gandalf went from Gandalf the grey to Gandalf the white. Also about how Saruman’s actor died in real life shit you weren’t gonna bring up human mortality around papyrus anymore. 

“Really??” 

“Yes really. He even glows with magic when he comes back.” You offered a reassuring smile. Sans had remained fairly silent, just watching the exchange between the two of you. 

“WELL ALRIGHT HUMAN!! I SHALL LIKE TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!” Papyrus cheered up surprisingly quickly, you were worried it would take far longer. 

“Uh, the movie is almost over. There’s 2 more but it's after midnight and I have stuff to do in the morning. So i’m like. Gonna go back to my place. If that’s cool.” 

“I SUPPOSE. DO YOU PROMISE TO COME BACK AND WATCH THE REST SOON??” 

“Yes, I promise.” 

“PINKY PROMISE???” You and Papyrus locked pinkies. 

“My pinky promises.” You smiled. You hadn’t done a “pinky” promise in so long. 

“HUMAN!! IF IT IS ALRIGHT WITH YOU I WANT TO GIVE YOU OUR PHONE NUMBERS SO WE CAN SCHEDULE ANOTHER MOVIE NIGHT!! NYEH!!” You weren’t one to hand out your phone number all willy nilly, but you made an exception. Papyrus was very sweet, and he honestly just wanted friends. You hand him your phone so he could edit the name and put in his number. He also put yours into his so he would know who you were. When he handed it back you held back a laugh. He had put his name as **CoolSkeleton95.** When you got up you realized while you and papyrus had been talking for the past few minutes the entire time you were somewhat leaning over Sans. 

“Oh! Sans i’m sorry I didn’t realize i was in your personal space!” You smiled in embarrassment, you knew how important personal space was. 

“It’s winter.” 

“What? It’s fall…” 

“No like it’s cool, its chill. Its fine, really.” 

“Oh! Cuz winter is cold ha i get it!” You giggled. 

“SANS!! HOW DARE YOU MAKE PUNS AROUND THE NEW HUMAN!! THEY WILL NOT WANT TO COME BACK NOW!! I WILL HAVE TO BE A GREATER FRIEND TO MAKE UP FOR IT!!” Sans’ shit eating grin widened, he seemed to enjoy teasing his brother. 

“Aw come on paps, _Ice snow_ you love em.” He winked at papyrus as you held back a snort while you had a small giggle fit. 

“SHUT UP SANS!! I AM DONE WITH YOUR NONSENSE!! GOODNIGHT!!” 

“Aw, c’mon bro, _icy_ no other purpose in life.” You were very audibly giggling, only heightened by the muffle “AGHH” from papyrus in the other room. Your sides ached when you finally stopped laughing. When you looked at sans he seemed, happy that you were laughing, or it could be his normal smirk either way he didn’t look pissed at you anymore. The previous heaviness in the air was gone, as if it had floated away with your laughter. 

“So uh,” Sans had got up and was closer to you now. 

“About, the other day, I’m sorry. I judged you too quickly, more than one thing makes a person.” He smiled sympathetically, as if waiting for approval. 

“I’m sorry too, I freaked out a little too hard then. No hard feelings?” 

“No hard feelings. How about soft feelings?” You giggled. 

“That was lame.” 

“You got me there.” He shrugged, he made it obvious he didn’t try with that pun. 

You went to the entrance to your apartment and slipped on your boots and said goodbye to Sans. Just as you were leaving Sans called out. 

“Hey uh. Don’t hesitate to text. Paps really seems to think you’re cool.” And with that he closed the door. You made your way back to your apartment in the sparsely lit hallway and unlocked the door. Instant relief and exhaustion swept over you once you crossed the threshold. This was your safe space. You slipped into pajamas and crawled into bed at 12:24 am. 

“_______” Your astrophysics teacher called your name. Your head shot up at the sound of your name. 

“Y-yes sir?” 

“It’s your turn to present.” 

“Oh, okay.” You grabbed your notes out of your bag. Everyone had to prepare an oral presentation on an assigned topic. Some topics were definitive, observational. Others were theoretical, and the student had to explain what their topic was and present information supporting whether or not the theory is valid. You prefered the observational aspect of astrophysics. It was much easier to understand because it involved much less speculation. Alas, you had been assigned something theoretical. White holes. 

You stepped down the small flight of stairs leading down to the white board and teacher’s desk. Your classroom was arranged so the students were raised in levels in a half circle. You quickly erased the previous person’s writing on the whiteboard. The students were allowed to use it to make diagrams and such if needed. 

“So. White holes. To understand what a white hole in theory is, we need to understand black holes. Black holes pull in matter with their immense gravitational pull, into one single point of infinite mass. Black holes scatter the entire universe, many of which are at the centers of galaxies.” Your palms were sweating so you wiped them on your jeans. 

“White holes, are the opposite. They expel matter from a single point of no mass, and if anything got into the white hole’s singularity, the whole thing would collapse. It would only take a single atom to send the white hope into untraceable oblivion.” You turned away from your peers to draw an example of a white hole on the whiteboard. 

“Despite being only possible in mathematics and theory, a white hole may have been observed. Back in 2006, there was an explosion of light in the depths of space, that can’t be explained. It only lasted for a short time, within minutes, it was gone. Unfortunately this answer presents a problem. White holes violate the second law of thermodynamics, the amount of entropy in the universe can only stay the same or increase. White holes decrease entropy. Say you had a functional piano. You can put it into a wood chipper and shred it into hundreds of tiny pieces, which could take any form of chaos. That is what a black hole does. But you can’t take those pieces, put the woodchipper in reverse, and end up with a functional piano. This is why white holes shouldn’t be possible. You can’t take disorder and put it into the correct order like that. It just doesn’t work. The only reason people theorized the possibility of white holes was of einstein's theory of relativity. Even if white holes are proved possible by that, if they did exist, they would be unstable due to the second law of thermodynamics, the universe does not work in favor of white holes.” 

“Now, if white holes have obviously been disproven, why did we probably see one? On june 14, 2006 there was a huge gamma ray burst, and it lasted for a minute and a half. The only way for a gamma ray burst to last that long is to be accompanied by a supernova. But this one didn’t have a supernova. Coincidentally, we have the theory of white holes to be the most probable answer, at least for now. Some people had ideas about neutron stars being destroyed by black holes or other neutron stars, but those would only produce this amount of energy for, a couple seconds at most. So while being mathematically impossible, white holes are technically possible.” 

“With this presentation i was supposed to prove or disprove the probability of white holes. Based on the information that scientists have theorized and gathered, I think they are possible. If we were alive at the right time to witness a possible white hole, that means there have been similar occurrences before, and there will be more in the future. Obviously with a theory you can take your own approach, so i recommend looking more into it if you would like. I’ve used up the 5 minutes i get to present. Thankyou all for listening.” You erased your diagrams off the board and hurried back to your seat with your notes. The teacher called up the next student as you pulled out your chair and sat down. For the rest of the class you took notes on the your peers’ topics. Dark matter/energy, What time is, Universe Expansion, stuff like that. Finally class was dismissed and you biked home. 

You flopped onto your couch after you came home from work. You had to do some overtime because a couple people just quit and the store was short staffed, and the store was changing all the displays. So you got to lug around lots of mannequins, boxes, clothes, and buildable shelves. Needless to say your shoulders were a little sore. So you just laid on the couch for god knows how long before actually having enough energy to take some painkillers. 

You roll off the couch and go to the kitchen and pull out a bottle of ibuprofen from a cupboard over the microwave. You swallow the pills and take a sip from the running water from the faucet. Instead of going back to the couch you detour to your bedroom to change into some loose unpresentable clothes. Pulling off your previous garments you slip on some basketball shorts and a loose v neck shirt. It had a picture of a reaper, but the scythe's blade is a slice of pizza, and it says “i'd kill for a slice.” 

Falling back onto your couch you turn on your tv and search netflix for some horror movies. Most of them have really bad ratings, oddly enough. You were flipping through the cult horror movies when there was a knock at your door. You pushed off the couch and trudged to your door. You opened the door only a little, 

“You’re supposed to say “who’s there”” 

“What do you want sans.” You had just seen him not even 24 hours ago what the fuck did he need? 

“Paps wants to know if you’re okay. Cuz you aren’t answering his texts.” He flashed a smug smile. _God fucking dammit clingy much?_

“I’ve been busy.” 

“You’re not busy now.” 

“I’m tired.” 

“Then come over we can all finish those movies.” 

“I told you I’m _tired_ ” You were worried he wouldn’t leave. You had always had a limit to how much social interaction you could handle. Work always drained it, and presenting today took a huge toll. Sans was now pushing your limits. 

“Then we’ll come over. You don’t need to move.” 

“No sans. I’m exhausted. Not physically exhausted. Socially exhausted. I need my alone time, and texting goes into that social exhaustion. When i’m socially exhausted I have a very hard time talking and texting. Now please. Leave me alone right now.” You didn’t wait for a response by closing your door and locking it. You held a baited breath before you heard him walk away. You sighed. Instead of watching a movie like you had planned, you went to bed. Sans’ persistence just wore you out. 

You slipped into bed and turned onto your side. Tucking your arm underneath your pillow you pulled your legs up towards your chest a bit and pushed your bare feet out from beneath the blankets. 

_You’re exhausted inside_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also the end of this chapter was SUPER hard to write so yeah. I'm going to aim to make all my chapters 2000-5000 words each.


	7. Enemy approaching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you have a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh okay i'm sorry. I meant to upload this on friday but i couldn't get it finished i was (and am still with) family until monday. :// NOT ONLY THAT but this chapter was so fucking hard to write bc its basically just a filler chapter and i've got the next several chapters planned and i can't wait to write them out but it was hard bc i still had to finish this and UGH. BUT PREPARE YURSELVES FOR REAL DRAME REAL ACTION REAL BLOODSHED! I'm going to be introducing a new character who is going to be the root of the drama and this person is going to cause things that send the reader into emotional distress. MWUAH HAHA I HAVE IT SO WELL PLANNED I CANT WAIT! Also this chapter was late bc for two days i was moping bc i got into some sad bs and i had a very very very bad panic attack last night and i just ugh. I'm wasting my summer and everything is overwhelming so all my personal bullshit is why this chapter is so shitty and so late. Again. Sorry.

_You were in the passenger seat of a truck. You could see a mostly empty flatbed behind you, there were a few tools, some tarps, some rope, a spare tire. The little window that let you see the bed of the truck was dirty, there was caked on dust and grime. You ran your finger along it, the dirt didn’t budge. The windshield and normal windows were in similar condition. You looked over at the diver. A silent man sat there, gripping the steering wheel. His face was blurry, but also not. He had features but you couldn’t recognize them at all. He said nothing to you, and you said nothing to him._

_The truck cruised down an empty road for a while. You couldn’t see much, there was a thick white fog, that had churning tendrils of black swirling through it. After a while the fog in front of the vehicle began to thin, as if the fog moved out of the way for the truck. As the fog thinned you saw something casting a shadow into the mist. The truck then began to pick up speed, and the object in the distance rushed forwards. You were finally able to see it, it was a car. The windshield was black, and the car was headed on a collision course for the truck you were in. You attempted to say something to your driver, but nothing came out. So you tried yelling to stop. Nothing but air came out. You gripped the man’s arm and tried to turn the wheel but he wouldn’t budge. You knew they were going to crash, and you didn’t want to see it. You tried opening the door, it wouldn’t move. It was as if it had been welded to the car body. Curling into a ball, you turned your head and squeezed your eyes shut, covering your ears with your hands. But it wasn’t meant to be. The man finally moved, he grabbed your arm and yanked you up from your curled position and firmly held you facing the windshield. You tried screaming at him, and he gripped your arm tighter. You silently shrieked in pain. The cars were about to crash, “Watch.” The man said with joy in his voice. In the split second before the cars collided the windshield cleared and, it was your parents._

_You screamed and screamed and screamed, to no avail. Suddenly you were jolted forwards. Everything went dark and still. Slowly it faded back, the truck, the fog, the road, your parents… You were still in the passenger seat. The fog was still thick, but now tendrils of red floated throughout. You felt a lump in your throat. Suddenly you heard a click and a screech of the truck door opening. You looked over and saw the man slide out of the truck with a wrench and walk towards your mom. She was covered in so much blood. You realized what the man was going to do, smash in her head with the wrench. You couldn’t move, you couldn’t stop him. Your body was frozen in place. You screamed for him to stop. Hot tears streamed down your face. Finally something broke right has he swung down the wrench, and your screaming could be heard, but it was too late. You saw the wrench smash your mother’s head, over and over again. The man suddenly twisted his head towards you. He kept beating your mother, as a sickly grin spread over his featureless face. You screamed once more and everything stopped._

You bolted upright. Your body was covered in clammy sweat, your throat hurt from screaming. Your eyes were shedding thick hot tears and your breath was shaky. You pulled your knees to your chest and hugged them. You rocked back and forth, trying to keep your mind off your dream. But your mind wandered, and when you remembered the man’s sick face, you felt it. You rushed the the bathroom and crouched down at the toilet to promptly spill your guts out. 

You had stayed on the floor of the bathroom for the rest of the night. Every Time you tried to sleep your mind kept wandering and then you had to go dry heave over the toilet. The floor tiles were cold and after lying on the ground for a while you had begun to shiver, so you pulled a towel off the rack hanging from the door and draped it over your shaky body. 

You could hear your phone’s alarm beeping softly from your bedroom. You wiped away the dried tears and got up from the bathroom floor. You left the bathroom and went to the kitchen. You knew you should eat after throwing up earlier but your stomach was still, off. So you skipped breakfast and just had some coffee instead. You set up the coffee to brew and went to go get dressed. Instead of your normal jeans you opted for some clean sweatpants. You went back into the bathroom to finish getting ready. You decided to wear a little makeup so it wouldn't look like you had bawled your eyes out last night. 

Walking back into the kitchen you got your coffee and leaned against the counter. Today was friday. _Normally_ you would have astrophysics today but your professor had to schedule it for yesterday due to him being out of town over the weekend. You hasn’t liked it at first because it was a change in your schedule, but now you were glad. You has less to do today. On a whim, you called your manager. You out on your best overly sick voice in preparation. 

“Yes?” 

“Uh, hi, it’s ______” you clear your throat in the middle. 

“What is it?” 

“I’m really sorry but i’ve come down with some nasty sick.” You faked a cough, hoping your boss would buy it. She wasn’t mean or anything, it just took a while for her to show compassion, in reality she was really nice. 

“Well, you have been putting in some overtime, so i suppose it can be paid time off.” 

“Thank you for understanding. Have a nice day.” You mentally high fived yourself. Now you had a mostly free day to relax and calm down. You quickly finished your coffee before slipping on a baggy hoodie and your sneakers. You grabbed your phone and pulled up a playlist of Hamilton the musical songs. You rushed down the stairs and out of the apartment building. You unchained your bike and pedaled down the street to your college. 

You dunked your brush into a jar of clean water and wiped it on a paper towel. The class was assigned a project to draw a landscape with their prefered medium. There was little instruction, it was more of a pre test to see what everyone already knew. You were drawing the city skyline, with mount ebott on the horizon. You were laying down a wash of greys and blues as a base when you were called over by your teacher. 

“____,” His voice carried an air of concern. 

“Yessir?” 

“Are you doing alright?” 

“Yes.” You caught the lump in your throat. 

“Okay, well, if you ever need something, please don’t hesitate.” Your art professor knew about your mental illnesses, and knew how you used art as therapy. You were comforted knowing he was there for you, even if you two rarely talked. You walked back to your painting and worked on it till class was dismissed. You left it to dry in the corner with some other paintings. 

When you left and hopped on your bike your head felt foggy. You almost hit someone a couple times, your brain wasn’t working. So you got off your bike and walked it back to your apartment instead. It took significantly longer to get there. You leaned down to chain your bike to the rack and when you came back up your head spun. _Fuck, I need to eat something_ Skipping breakfast on an empty stomach had been a bad idea. But you were almost home, you could eat something to replenish your blood sugar. 

You dragged yourself into the lobby and into the elevator. Pressing the 8 button you ran a hand over your face and through your hair. You leaned against the walls of the elevator and closed your eyes for just a moment… 

You opened your eyes to have a straw prodded into your cheek. 

“Hey you gotta drink something bud.” It was sans. Why were you with sans? 

You opened your mouth to speak but your throat was dry and it came put as a rasp. 

“The fuck happened?” 

“You were passed out in the elevator.” 

“Oh.” So you weren’t quick enough to get to your apartment, whoops. 

“Uh hey do you have like a banana or something.” 

“Yeah if it’ll _lift_ your spirits.” You think sans made a pun? You weren’t sure because word puns were easier to understand when written out or explained. 

“Yeah that would be nice.” While Sans went to get you the fruit you surveyed your surroundings. You were in the brothers’ apartment, on their sofa. You didn’t think papyrus was home, otherwise you would have seen or heard from him already. Sans shuffled back into the living room. He was wearing pink fluffy slippers and his normal black basketball shorts and a blue hoodie. He tossed you the fruit and flopped down onto the couch, relaxing. You however, kept a straight back as you watched him pick up the tv remote and flip through channels. 

“Need something bud?” He must have caught you staring. 

“Oh uh yeah i need help peeling it.” You gestured to him with the banana. 

“Then how do you eat them at home?” He took your banana and gripped the stem to peel it. 

“I don’t. I still like bananas though.” He got the peel started and handed it back to you. Nodding in thanks you bit into the soft fruit. After a few moments you were left with the bare peel. 

“Uh where is the trash bin?” You stood up and gestured to the banana peel. 

“Under the kitchen sink, left cupboard.” 

“Thanks.” You went to the kitchen and opened up the door on the left underneath the sink. 

“Don’t slip on it, it would be a _peel_ shame if you were to get hurt.” For once you got Sans’s pun, you snorted a little at it. 

“That was very _a peeling_ sans.” You made an attempt at a pun too, to try and play his own game. 

“Hah not bad kiddo.” You sat back down on the couch and relaxed a little bit. You resolved to ask sans how, and why, he had brought you to his apartment. 

_You feel curious inside_


	8. You idiot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You got too close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaah i'm very sorry this took so long to come out! Normally i would've had three chapters by now but i was with family and i'm still getting settled back into my normal routine bc it's hit me like a train! I've been very tired lately and it's been hard to stay motivated to write. I really want to tho! I have so many plans but I don't wanna sit down and write. I ALSO have a new show that I'm binging and I'm doing shit in video games and my art and auhhh so busy but also not i'm a loser ik. But here! Have a semi long chapter! HOPEFULLY i can FINALLY add the real drama! I just wanna spoil it now but i can't! Let's just say, you get far too close, and it destroys you. Nyeh hehe. But also from this show I've been watching fuUCK I have inspiration on how to break the reader into tiny pieces physically and emotionally haha (and by inspiration i mean, the show does the main character buried alive, ooh i like that ima do it but w/ different motivation, there is no ransom, the reader isn't a physical scientist and isn't going to make an oxygen scrubber bullshit with a camera and a pen or smth, they aren't gonna use the air bag explosives to get out you catch my drift) But ahhhhhhh so much planneddddd i hope you like it also A BIG THANKYOU FOR 70 KUDDOS AND ALMOST 900 HITS AHHH THANKYOUUUU

_You’re hopeful inside._

You couldn’t sleep. You had kicked off your blankets multiple times only to pull them back when you were too cold. You had flipped your pillow despite it not getting any colder on one side. Rubbing your eyes you grabbed your phone and checked the time. 2:31 am. Ugh. Without anything better to do you opened various apps and checked social media. You clicked the messages app and read through your old texts. You used to never text anyone due to no one WANTING to text you. But now you did have someone who wanted to text you. Sans. 

Ever since he had taken you to his apartment when you had passed out you two had been texting and spending time together. It was nice, you weren’t used to having someone who was able to talk at the drop of a hat. When you were in grade school whenever you were invited to hang out you were always the second pick, the first person invited couldn’t come. You never went to birthday parties or sleepovers like normal kids or teens. You spent most of your time alone, or with your parents. But now you had a reliable friend, and the friendship was mutual. You had gone over for dinner with sans and papyrus three more times, and had hung out with sans one on one nearly everyday between college and work. You two had gotten quite close, despite it being only two weeks since the passing out incident. You were, conflicted and worried internally that you were going too fast, that you were pushing this new bond onto Sans. This kind of thing had always happened, you got too hopeful and pushed your entire life onto them, and within a month they completely stopped talking to you. But, something inside you _knew_ that Sans wouldn’t do that. You were _determined_ to make this last. 

Not only had you bonded with Sans, but you bonded with Papyrus and a couple of his friends. They had come over for dinner one night and it was, hectic, to say the least. The “friends” that came over were an energetic blue fish with red hair, and an adorable yellow dinosaur weeb. The fish was introduced as Undyne, captain of the royal guard, and the weeb was Alphys, the royal scientist. Alphys was very shy, and often talked down to herself. She reminded you of yourself when you were at low points in your life. When she first saw you she had gasped and hid behind undyne, shaking with anxiety. Undyne, however, was far from anxious. When she saw you sitting at the dinner table she yanked your arm, nearly dislocating your shoulder and yelled “Who’s this punk!!” She had bared her sharp teeth, similar to those of a piranha. Now normally when a human is in a stressful situation they go into fight or flight response. Well, when undyne grabbed you, you went into “frozen in fucking fear” response. She had continued to yell at you, but you couldn’t answer, thankfully Papyrus saved you, telling undyne that you were his and Sans’ friend. After he had introduced you Undyne had relaxed and apologized sincerely. After that you all had a lovely dinner, and you opened up more to them than you had ever had opened up to someone on a first meeting. Once dinner was over everyone migrated to the living room to watch some anime at Alphys’ request. 

Apparently you still had some more of their friends to meet, but they were very busy so it probably wouldn’t be for a while. Until then your school and work went on without too much trouble. You made sure to put in some overtime hours to help make up for the mental health day you took. You always liked to have a metaphorical safety net, something to fall back on if worst came to worst. Socially you never were able to keep a safety net but for things you could control you were able to have it. 

You shifted your legs off the bed and stretched your arms over your head. Your spine made a satisfying pop. You got up and sat back down. You couldn’t sleep, you were antsy to do something but you also didn’t _want_ to put in the effort to do something. Sliding back into bed you looked up at your ceiling. There was a long thin crack in the paint spanning over half of ceiling. You followed to with your eyes and then onto the wall with some black and white pictures of nature. They faded into the distance and made the room look bigger. Out of the several on your walls your eyes fell on one of a flower box. It was set on the ground and made of thick planks of worn wood, held poorly together with a few rusted nails. The wood was shying away from the mass of plants in the middle, the nails had popped up a bit and were bent as well. In one corner dirt was spilling out. The flora in the the middle were perfect five leafed flowers, and thanks to some photoshop skills, the black and white flowers were kissed with color in the center. Their leaves were dark green and created a little canopy underneath for a small stone frog. The eye was cracked open and dirt caked the bottom. The rest of the dirt was covered in spreading leaves, the light green vines had small low to the ground bloom and spilled over the edges of the flower box. Your mind was caught in the photo. You loved the motion of the vines and beauty of the kissed flowers, paired with the age of the box itself. You continued to mindlessly gaze into the photo until you fell asleep. 

Ah, saturday. You pushed the pillow that had appeared on your face off and sat up, tossing blankets as you did so. The sun peeked through the windows and fell on the side of your bed. You hopped off of your bed and sunk your toes into the carpet. You basked in the warm sun for a few moments before heading to the bathroom to shower. You took your clothes off, but before you stepped in the shower you looked in the mirror. _It’s weird. I don’t like it. My bones stick out here but not here. It’s, uneven._ You had always had issues with self confidence, and looking in the mirror always made it worse. You sighed and tried to shake the negative thoughts. You got into the shower and closed the sliding door (yes! Door! Because shower curtains are the most disgusting thing) and wet down your hair. 

You were lying on the floor contemplating the positives of being an adult when you got a text. 

**Sushi:** Hey alphys wants to kno if u wanna come over an watch anime 

**You:** Yea that would be cool. Need me to bring anything 

**Sushi:** Yea booze an some anime 

**You:** I have vodka and anime r ecommendations 

**Sushi:** Nice 

You let your phone fall back onto the floor. Socializing, fun fun. You were glad though that they had actually invited you, it wasn’t something you were used to. Normally you were invited to something out of pity, this seemed to be out of actual care. _Oh shit undyne didn’t give me a time._

 _ _You had texted undyne asking for a time and she had said 8:30..ish. So now you were standing at Undyne and alphys’ door, at 8:42, with a bottle of vodka wrapped in a paper bag. Mentally preparing yourself you knocked on the hard wood door. Their house was, nice. Large sough but not gigantic, it had a fair sized front lawn, with lots of flowers and birdbaths. Within the moment Undyne swung open the door to greet you, alphys was hiding behind her.__

 _ _

“H-hi undyne, hi alphys.” You leaned your body to the side a little to make eye contact with alphys. 

“Heya punk!” Undyne wrapped a firm arm around your neck and pulled you in close. The sudden contact on your neck made your heart race, you never liked it when people touched your neck. 

“Uh u-undyne can y-you let go of my neck, please?” You were breathing fast, you shouldn’t be. Undyne was your friend, she would never hurt you, but it was a friend who made it so people can’t touch your neck… 

“What? Oh shit sorry habit.” She pulled her arm away and held them up in surrender. You siles to her in thanks and readjusted the bottle in your arms. 

“Uh ____, would you like to come in?” Alphys spoke up. It wasn’t until then you had realized you had been standing outside for a while. You had forgotten to bring a jacket, you lived close enough to undyne and alphys, so you didn’t think it was a problem. But the temperature had dropped drastically, the wind was burning your skin. 

“Oh, yeah, it’s getting pretty cold out.” Undyne stepped aside to let you pass and you greeted their warm home with a smile. 

You were nested into the corner of a squishy couch. You had piled some pillows around you in a makeshift fort, it made you feel safe. Alphys and undyne were cuddling on the other end of the couch. It was now 10:20, when you all had started watching anime the lights were turned off, you didn’t know why but it was relaxing. More like a movie theater. The anime that was on was about to end, it was your turn to pick something. You had a couple ideas in mind, one alphys would REALLY love. She loved anime, especially super cute and pointless anime. Undyne also had a soft spot for cute anime, but she also enjoyed lots of fighting, so did you. You prefered intense animes, mirai nikki was in your top pick, (along with attack on titan ofc) but alphys would probably be forever scarred by it. You decided to go with the anime that was, overall, slower but super adorable. You took the remote and (just imagine this works out okay) searched up the anime streaming site you usually watched it on. You entered the name in the search bar and started the first episode. 

The happy pink font of the opening song subtitles popped up as it started. A bunch of cute girls in cute outfits were singing the opening, you couldn’t help but smile. It was so cute and unlike anything you would like, but you did, and you were glad to drag undyne and alphys into idol hell. 

“Hey ____, what’s t-the name of this??” Alphys had poked her head over the top of your pillow fort. 

“Love live! School idol project! This is the original one, there’s another season of this one and a NEW one with new characters called Love live! Sunshine!” A large smile crept onto your face, fuck you loved this anime. (Sorry if you don’t sue me if u want) 

“It’s really cute! T-thanks for putting it on.” Alphys slipped away from your fort and crawled back to undyne. 

Alphys had petitioned that you all had to watch two more episodes before undyne intervened and suggested that you all play truth or dare, but with booze. It was truth or dare as normal, but you could pass, as long as you took a drink. 

You had slid out of your fort, therefore keeping it mostly intact. Undyne had went to get glasses and alcohol while you and alphys got comfortable on the floor around the coffee table. Undyne came back and slid the books off only to be replaced with bottles. She handed each of you a shot glass and poured the first drinks. 

“We should all at least drink some now so it’s more fun later” she said with a devilish grin, her sharp teeth showing. You nodded and tipped back your glass. Undyne had poured straight vodka, it burned your throat and brought tears to your eyes. You weren’t the biggest drinker, and when you did drink it at least wasn’t straight vodka. You set your glass back down and rubbed your eyes. Alphys seemed to have a similar reaction, her face was twisted in distaste. Undyne looked the same as before, she must be familiar to drinking. 

“Okay! Who goes first!” Undyne smacked her hands on the table to draw the attention. 

“Uh maybe you should, and then alphys, and then me, if that’s okay, I mean.” You were the guest, you wanted to make sure you didn’t overstep and be an attention whore. 

“Nah how about you go first ____!” Undyne hit you on the shoulder, it was obviously playful but she sure could pack a punch. 

“ah, uh okay! Uhm, Alphys, truth or dare??” 

“T-truth please.” 

“Okay uhmmm… What was it like when you first came to the surface?” 

“It was loud, but also quiet. People are loud, but nature is soft, the sky is soft, the air is soft. It’s very nice.” She sat back a little, Alphys was done answering. 

“Uh undyne, how about you go??” 

“Alright punk! Truth or dare!” 

“Truth please!” 

“Fucking coward, okay, would you smooch a ghost?” Alphys snorted, it must be an inside joke of sorts. 

“As long as they’re nice! Personality is the most important thing.” You shifted in your seat. You hadn’t thought about any previous relationships in a long time. 

“Ooh hoo hoo, we could set you up with a ghost,” Her eyes were filled with intent, she must really want someone in a relationship. 

“OH, no I’m good undyne, I’m not really into dating in general..” You pleaded, since your little world expanded exponentially you were quite overwhelmed, more people didn’t seem like a good idea on your mental health. 

“Oh well, your loss. Okay alphy your turn!” Undyne finally turned to Alphys, you let out a baited breath. 

“Okay uhm Undyne, truth or dare.” 

“Dare! Duh!” Undyne flexed her arms, displaying her ‘bravery’ 

“I dare you to lift _____ over your head!” Your eyes widened, oh hell no. 

“No no I do not agree to this! I-” Too late undyne had already lifted you you up by the waist and over her head. You felt like you were about to fall, but you had nothing to grip onto. 

“Undyne no no no ah touching noooo” you squealed. You didn’t like being touched, it was an invasion of personal space. You especially didn’t like it when said touching was around your midsection. 

“Ha calm down punk i’m putting you back down on solid ground.” She plopped you back down on the floor and you curled in on yourself. 

“mmm i-i think it’s your turn _____” 

“Oh okay uh truth or dare to….” 

The night went on in a similar manner. Most of the time undyne took dare, alphys took one dare to reenact an anime opening. You took a couple, balance three shots on your head, blindfold yourself and do a shitty dance, mostly harmless things. The night turned sour when you took truth. Undyne had had numerous drinks, she had only passed once, she purely just wanted to get drunk. You were at 3 drinks now, only two passes. Alphys was at 2. 

“Okay _____ truth or dare!” Undyne’s words slurred slightly, her eyes were slightly glazed over. 

“Truth please.” 

“Tell me about your family!” Your friends were, insistent on talking about family. Maybe they didn’t have any and wanted to know what it was like, either way it put you off. 

“I have a younger brother, Daniel, he’s very nice and lives a couple hours from here.” You crossed your fingers, hoping Undyne wouldn’t push further. 

“What about parents? Don’t humans have parents?” 

You poured yourself a shot and took it back. You set the glass down gingerly, you stared at your hands. 

“Undyne… I’m pretty tired. It’s late, I need sleep. I’m going to go home now, if that’s alright.” 

“What why? We’re only getting star-” Alphys shushed her. 

“____, it’s okay if you want to leave. T-thankyou for coming over.” 

You smiled and got up. You slipped on your shoes and they followed you to the door. Right before you left Undyne said that next time time paps could hopefully come. 

“Oh you invited Papyrus also?” 

“Yeah he couldn’t come he and sans were doing something, so we invited you!” 

Your stomach dropped. They didn’t actually want you. You were their second choice. 

“O-oh really, hah h-hope he can come next time!” Your voice trembled, you just wanted to leave. Without saying goodbye you ran to your bike and pedaled down the dark street. The wind hit your face as tears threatened to bloom. You were so easy to push over the edge, you took life two steps at a time, but life was always there to trip you. _This is why you don’t make friends idiot_ In your childhood all friendships had backfired, so you learned that it's better to keep them at arm’s length. But you fucked up, you got too close too quick and now they hate you. _Idiot idiot idiot I thought you learned your fucking lesson! Look what you did idiot you messed up it’s over. It was your last chance and you blew it._ You were beating yourself up over this, you wished that you didn’t. It wasn’t _that_ big of a deal right? But it was it was a big deal, you made small worries into big problems, scenarios always played in your head, ‘What could i have done?’ ‘This leads to this which explains this which is why everyone hates me!’ ‘You’re going to be alone forever, just think about it! You’re worthless.’ 

You hadn’t realized that you were full on crying until you got to your apartment building. You checked your phone, 1:13. You raked a hand through your hair, you were probably in luck, no one would see you. Gently pushing open the doors to the building you got into the elevator and slumped against the wall. Your eyes hurt, your head hurt, your soul hurt, everything hurt. You felt sick, you were covered in a cold sweat. _This is what you get you dipshit_ “Shut up!” You quickly covered your mouth with your hands, the self conversation just became verbal. You were bad at this, you always muttered to yourself, it was a coping thing to help when the silence was too loud. But it had become destructive when the muttering turned into self hatred. 

The elevator dinged and you got out. You rubbed your eyes and headed to your door. You fumbled with your keys when a voice startled you. 

“Hey.” 

You ignored it. 

“Someone’s lookin a little _bonely_ need some _body_ to cheer ya up?” 

“No Sans.” 

You found your key and put it into the lock and turned it around, you were never able to remember which way keys turned. The locked clicked but Sans grabbed the doorknob and held it shut. You turned to look him in the eyes, you weren’t sure what he was trying to accomplish. 

“Sans. What do you want?” You pinched the bridge of your nose, you were tired, and didn’t want to deal with his shit after what happened. 

“You’re upset, hurt. Talk to me, please.” 

“No. Why are you even awake?” 

“I could ask the same to you.” 

“I asked first.” 

“Couldn’t sleep. You?” 

“I was out with people.” People seemed more fitting, you didn’t think that alphys and undyne considered you a friend. 

“What did they do?” You looked at him, his smile was gone, his eye sockets were dim. 

“Nothing. It was my own damn fault. Now goodbye.” You pushed his hand aside, got into your apartment and shut the door. You didn’t wait to listen to see if he left, you just threw yourself into bed. You weren’t going to sleep, no way in hell. Your mind was awake, thoughts were racing, your heart was still beating fast. All you could do was close your eyes and try to avoid the thoughts. _Unwanted._

_You’re broken inside_

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotdammit Ao3 fucking with my emphasis okay well there is supposed to be italics but it's not working on some parts just pretend it's there


	9. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey you have a dream boi slice and its mostly chill also a teeny flooff at the end and more flooff next chapter and then some filler and then some fun and then some heartbreak boi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow look at that anther what fucking week probably since this avocado has updated rip me okay but i have half an excuse. I've been waking up at 12 pm lately so that takes off of my day. Also i've been obsessing over a new anime, kiznaiver, 10/10 would recomend. Also like texting my gf at night for 2-3 hours is a routine and i usually write at night whoopsies. This chapter was hard to write after the dream. Idk. Have this piece of fucking shit guyssss

_You shivered. You were being cradled by soft wet grass at the base of a tree. You breathed in, and out. The air was chill, and motionless. No leaves rustled in the wind, no trees swayed, no bushes shook. Everything was still and quiet. The sky was grey, overcast, with deep rolling greys on the bottom. You looked down at yourself, you wore a white flowy dress, made of soft fabric. You closed your eyes and relaxed. You remembered this place, this perfect place._

_You looked up, the tree was still the same. The thick twisted trunk lead up to a canopy of vines with green tears. Crystal dew drops clung to the leaves and splayed the minimal sunlight out inside soft colors. The roots spread out over a large area, winding into patches of brilliant flowers. The blooms were adorned with the crystals which magnified the shapes and colors. You sat up and ran your hand along an exposed root _It’s been so long…_ _

_Slowly you heard a child’s laughter ring out from amongst the flowers. You looked over and saw a small child running around and talking to the flowers. She wore a white dress similar to yours, but on a smaller scale. She had bright eyes and soft features, her smile was the sunshine amongst the overcast sky. While you were watching the child play a taller woman sat down next to you. She was beautiful, with more pronounced features than the child but the same bright eyes. She wore a simple blue dress. She was barefoot, and then you noticed the child was also barefoot. The woman said nothing to you, she just sat quietly admiring the child. She looked, happy, truly and thoroughly happy. Soon the child noticed the woman was there and ran over._

_“Mommy mommy!_

_“Haha what’s up my little blossom?”_

_“Isn’t the willow pretty mommy??”_

_“Hah yes it is. It’s a sad but beautiful tree.”_

The child and the mother sat together for quite some time until the mother spoke up. 

_“Darling, I have something to show you.”_

_The mother pulled a small music box out from behind her back and presented it to her child. It was a dark wood, with worn lilies etched into the lid. The box was thick, it had a little golden key on the side near the bottom to wind it up. The child took it tentatively, wound the key, and opened it up. The little box began playing Canon in D, the little chimes of the metal pegs ringing softly in your ears. You remembered the song, and the music box. The music box was your mother’s, the lady was your mom, the child was you. They looked, happy, something that you have not been in a long time. Not the kind of happy you get when someone gets engaged, when you go on a big vacation, or when you get an award. No, this was raw happiness, the relaxed nature, the overall content. This happiness requires only itself to exist, it just is. Nothing needs to happen for it to come around, it just comes, unlike the happiness of getting an award, which is circumstantial._

_The music box was small, but it played the song for an incredibly long time. Eventually the tune died out, the gears were done. The last pluck of the note rang softly in your ears. It continued to softly ring as you watched the child give her mother back the music box and run back into the flowers and disappear. You pried your eyes from the flowers to your mother, she looked at you and smiled. You smiled back._

_“You’ve grown so much,” after just watching the two in silence your mom began to speak._

_“I know you’re in a bad place right now but, you’re strong. You’ll be okay, I’m always here.” Your mom reached over and cupped your cheek, hers smile was warm and her face creased because of it. You smiled back and felt tears well up in your eyes._

_“I, i’ve missed you, so much,” Your voice cracked, you were crying, but your mom made it okay. She leaned in and wrapped her arms around yours and just held onto you. You held her back. After a moment she began swaying side to side very gently, with you still attached. Then she started to hum Canon in D to you softly, she had done that to you when you were upset as a baby. You began humming with her, your two voice mingling and floating away into the air._

_“Please don’t go,” you didn’t want the fantasy to end. Your mom was here and you were happy. Your dad and brother were probably not far off. You had it all back for once, everything was normal._

_“Darling, I have to go. We all have to go.” A tear rolled down her cheek as she held onto you tighter. Her humming faded out, along with her, until you were left alone humming to yourself in a dream. Tears rolled down your face as everything around you crumbled until…_

You woke up. Your pillow was damp from your tears and you were tangled in your sheets. You instinctively hurried over to the closet in the spare bedroom where you kept extra towels and such. You dug around amongst the ones on the top shelf and pulled out a towel wrapped bundle. Carefully removing it you picked up your mother’s music box. You had nearly forgotten that it was there. You wound the key and opened the lid. The music began to play, and you looked at the small items that were in the tiny compartment of the box. A dried lily, a little rock crudely painted like a ladybug, a tiny plastic car, a worn scrap of paper that had the same quote you had tattooed on your shoulder, We praise the stars, let us praise our own inner beauty, we are all the same dust. These were important family things, your mother, you, your brother, and your father. You pulled out the last item in the box. A family photo, it was wrinkled slightly at the edges but the color was still beautiful. You and your mother were in flowy white dresses, with flowers in your hair. Your brother and father wore simple but nice dress shirts and pants. You all were in front of the same willow from your dream. There was a little date stamped in the corner, 5.19.2000 (i’m writing this in 2016, the reader is 22 atm, the pic is when they are 6.) You stared at the memory, you missed this. The un circumstantial happiness. You listened to the music box for a while longer before putting the contents back in and closing the lid. You promised yourself to dig out your keyboard from inside the shoe closet/laundry room/miscellaneous bullshit room and set it up. 

You put the music box back in the closet, wrapped safely in towels. You closed the door and went back into your room. Dropping back onto the bed you grabbed your phone. 4:50 Letting your phone fall out of your grip you rubbed your face and yawned. There wasn’t a point in going back to sleep, but there wasn’t really any point in doing anything, it was a sunday, no school no work. You, weren’t up for hanging out with your friends either. You sighed, trying to shake the tension in your shoulders. Obsessing on little things wasn’t going to fix anything. _they’re not just little things_ You shook the little voice in your head, you weren’t going to make things worse for yourself, you weren’t. You needed something to distract you, something else that would use up your focus. You decided now would be a perfect time to clean up your keyboard. 

You opened the door to the laundry closet (yeah laundry closet lets go w/ that) and looked at your dirty keyboard. It was propped up in the corner, the wire wrapped around it, and the folding stand resting against it. You first removed the stand and set it up near an outlet along an empty stretch of wall in your living room. Then you went and hugged the keyboard, lifting it at the same time. Carefully carrying it to the stand you leaned your body, along with the keyboard, over the stand and set it down. Then you went and got some clorox wipes and a pressurized air can.(you know those cans of air with the red straws that are used to clean keyboards/tight spaces/computer shit) You wiped off most of the loose dust and then wiped the rest off. You got the spaces between the keys with the pressurized air. Satisfied with the little cleaning job you grabbed a kitchen chair and plugged in your keyboard. You swallowed, you hadn’t played piano in a long time, and while yes, it was like riding a bike, which you did everyday, you still were nervous about it. You knew the notes, you knew the song. You were fine, _I’m fine_ you’re fine. 

You tested a key, it sounded like it always did, perfectly in tune, but it never sounded like a REAL piano. A real piano sounded full, it resonated perfectly, but you didn’t have space for a normal piano, so a keyboard got the job done. You carefully tapped your nails against the keys, testing your muscle memory. _Deep breath,_ You released the tension in your shoulders and let your fingers fall onto the keys. Canon in D was fairly slow, but if you abandoned the left hand and improvised you could layer the canon,which is exactly what you did. The notes jumped from the keys and up into the air, swimming like a thick fog around your eyes and ears. But that didn’t matter, you could still feel it. You started to layer the melody, your left hand straying from the original song. The notes increased in volume, you were hammering your hands down now. Yet you still continued to play. You probably woke up everyone in the building but it didn’t matter. You were already too absorbed to stop. You lessened the pressure on your hands, this part was your mother’s favorite, it was like sleeping under a tree on a perfect night. You always played this part perfectly for your mother, and she always loved it. Your hands shook as you finished the song, it ended slow and sleepy. Taking your hands off the keyboard you slumped in your chair and held your face in your hands. Your shoulders were shaking, your body was shaking. You shouldn’t be shaking, it was just a fucking, song. But you were shaking. The song had weight to it, it held all the feelings you had kept inside at your parents funeral, all the feelings of abandonment, everything. When no one else was there this listened to you. All you needed was a tune and some keys and you could pour everything into it and be fine. But you weren’t fine now. You always had had your parents right behind you, your safety net, your support. You had tried to rebuild them, but your supports always failed. Perfect example, Undyne and Alphys. Your desperate attempts at friendship and interaction warded off others and made it a never ending circle of disappointment. 

Your moping fest was cut short by a knock at your door. You didn’t want to answer it. Whatever it was could wait. You pulled your knees up to your chest, your shallow ragged breaths cutting off oxygen and causing the edges of your vision to blur. The knocking at the door didn’t stop, this time it was faster, and louder, more urgent. You finally took a few steps towards your door, before turning back and quickly slipping on a fluffy sweater and some leggings, you were in pajamas. Duh. _what if it was a neighbor? And if i don’t answer they’ll hate me_ was your reasoning behind answering. You wiped your face and tried to make it look like you weren’t crying before opening the door a crack. It was, Sans. Which was, surprising. It was still fairly early in the morning, and after getting to know him you knew he loved to sleep. 

“Heya.” 

“Hey.” Your voice was quiet, you struggled to keep it level. 

“That was, uh, some very nice playing.” 

“O-oh you could hear t-that?” He couldn’t see it behind the mostly closed door but your face turned red with embarrassment. You did actually care if others heard your playing. 

“yep.” He just, stood there after that. Not saying anything. 

“Aren’t you gonna make a stupid joke or something?” 

“Ah i would? But it’s not my _forte_.” 

You giggled, even if it was a bad joke it lightened your mood. 

“Hey uh, are you okay kid?” You caught the lump in your throat, you probably SHOULD explain, he was probably your closest friend now. _Don’t get close you imbecile_

“No, not really Sans. I haven’t been okay in a while.” You opened the door a little bit more to reveal your disheveled self, a strained smile on your face. Sans’ shit eating grin fell slightly at the sight of you. 

“Kid, I don’t wanna pry but, can you tell me what’s wrong? And don’t tell a _fib_ ula, okay?” 

“Mkay.” You opened the door for him. Why were you going to expose yourself to Sans like this? It wasn’t rational. But you need to tell someone, you needed to vent. So you sat sans down on your couch and told him everything. About your parent’s death, about your upbringing, about your nightmares, about your anxiety and panic attacks, about your life, about the lilies, about last night’s dream, about the music box, about the piano, about your tattoos, about your family, about your self hatred. Everything except the talking to yourself. 

You said it all, it must have taken an hour to explain it all. 

“Why.” Sans didn’t look at you, his focus was at his feet. 

“Why what? D-did I do something wrong?” Fuck you just ruined it, you ruined it again. 

“Why did you tell me all this?” 

“You asked.” He did ask, you were justified in this, he wanted to know, he shouldn’t be angry about it. 

“Well,” he paused and grunted. He was angry. 

“It all seems very, personal, why did you tell ME? Don’t you, ya know, have someone else?” You shook your head, because while yes, you had your brother, sometimes you didn’t want to tell your family. If you ruined things with your brother you wouldn’t have anymore family left. 

“Oh. Uh so. About undyne and alphys, you said there was, drinking, right?” You nodded again. 

“Look, undyne has very little of a filter normally, drunk it's nonexistent. She didn’t mean to make you upset.” 

“You don’t know that though.” 

“Yes I do.” You had thought maybe he would be kinder about this, maybe not just defending his friends. They were your friends too, right? Not everyone is perfect, they sure aren’t. 

“But you don’t KNOW that. You don’t know, no one knows, why did I even tell you everything? Why did you ask? Why did you have to say hi to me in the elevator, why…” You had got up and were pacing around the room, arms tight around you. _You messed up. You shouldn’t have told him anything you fucking idiot. You ruined it you always ruin it._ Your lip was trembling, you gripped your hand over it. You squeaked when Sans laid his hand on your shoulder. You quickly brushed it off. 

“You seemed nice. You are nice. Undyne and Alphys, they, messed up. But they don’t hate you, I promise. I don’t know how much a promise is worth to you but, I never make promises.” You stopped pacing. Your back was still turned to Sans, he couldn’t see the tear fall down your face. 

“Look. You’re obviously carrying a lot of baggage right now. It probably wouldn’t be best to be alone right now, if you catch my drift buddy.” 

“Oh okay, uhm. Do you wanna play chess? You know, something to do? Or maybe just watch tv. Or a movie movies are fun right?? _Wtf chess? Don’t change the subject dumbass._ You shushed yourself. You needed a distraction. 

“Ah tv or a movie sounds nice. If that isn’t too much of a brother.” 

“No no its fine its fine. Sorry for changing the subject you just seemed kinda done and like tv is a distraction and that keeps my mind off of shit but you also said i shouldn’t be alone and you can watch tv with friends and we’re friends r-r-right?” You stumbled over the words that quickly flew from your mouth. You got stuck on the last word. (does that make sense? Like when you’re talking fast as fuck and you kinda trip up and it all comes out as “RaHghbrksittbbhhf”) 

“Hah slow down, before you blow a fuse.” 

“Is that a joke?” 

“ _Watt_ else would it be?” 

“What’s with the electrical jokes though?” 

“The tv’s an electrical appliance.” 

“Hah that makes sense. So uh if you want you can scroll through netflix or I can get some old dvds. I’m gonna like, wash my face, ya know?” 

“Mmmhmm.” Sans grabbed the remote from the coffee table and started surfing your netflix. You walked into the bathroom and locked the door. You immediately turned the water on to muffle any possible residual crying. You splashed water on your face while muttering to yourself. 

“Why did I invite him in? Does he deserve to know?” You were regretting your decision to spill everything. You hadn’t been thinking clearly. You opened the door and stepped back out into the living room. Sitting down next to sans, but keeping a considerable distance, you noticed that he hadn’t chosen anything. 

“Hey uh are you gonna pick something? Also sorry for spilling everything, it was really uncalled for. Just forget it please.” There, that lifted a tiny amount of guilt off your shoulders. 

“Yeah uh. Couldn’t help but notice your watch history.” His smile was strained. You looked through it, horror movies, anime, tv shows with blood and also suspense. Oh shit wait. 

“Oh are you talking about Bones? It's a tv show. It’s pretty good there’s a very good story and lots of dead people. Do you not like the “bones” part? Because skeleton?” Sans nodded. Oh. 

“It’s really not bad the main character is a forensic anthropologist so it’s super scientific and often the bones have muscles and skin all over it. Its really fun to see a decomposed body floating in it’s own blood. Also eyeballs are super cloudy and it's really cool. The lady, nicknamed bones, can find cause of death and catch murderers just by examining the bones.” 

“I don’t think we should watch it.” 

“I know. I said you can pick.” 

“Oh wait seriously? Usually with papyrus it means “I get to look but he basically backseat drives”” 

“Hah well I’m not papyrus.” 

Eventually Sans decided on one of your Dvd’s, the day after tomorrow, (i highly recomend that shit. I first saw it in science class a bunch of years ago (bless a break from nemo ffs) and i still love it (im a science nerd whoops)) a movie about how humans are basically fucked after global warming fucks with the weather hard core. Sans said it seemed interesting, and that he also had a thing for science. But especially space, and technically clouds were KINDA in space. 

During the movie you had nearly forgotten that Sans was there, you both were absentmindedly leaning towards each other. That was until your heads clunked together, and you both jumped back. 

“Ah sorry!” 

“shit sorry kid!” 

You both burst out laughing. Cuz it was well, funny. 

Later on you had shifted a little closer to sans on accident, and you could feel warmth, like a human’s body heat, radiating off of his hoodie. It was different, you weren’t used to having anyone so close to you, definitely not close enough to exchange body heat. (exchanging body heat, in the passenger seat) Albeit alien it was, relaxing, to watch movies with with Sans midday. Was it really midday? You checked the clock on your phone, 11:27. You realized sans had been here the entire time. And he had a brother who needed him. 

“Hey huh how is papyrus, is he alone right now?” 

“No he’s out with Undyne. They work out all day sunday from really early in the morning to really late at night.” 

“Wouldn’t undyne have a hangover though? She drank a lot…” 

“Nah she has the heart of an ox, or, whale, she can power through anything.” 

“Mkay.” 

The movie ended, and you and Sans made the executive decision to watch another, and another, and then a harry potter marathon. It was after 9 pm, and you two were only on the 3rd movie because of breaks. You were thoroughly tired, you were up late and woke up early, your body was aching of exhaustion, despite not doing anything all day. Sans looked like he was about to fall asleep, if he hadn’t already. You felt an odd sense of deja vu, but shook it off. You could close your eyes, just for a minute, right? 

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also im rly bad at jokes pls dont kill me


End file.
